Bengal vs Besties vs Boys

Life is not so okay. Diva has been too busy going here and there with her boyfriend, Menik is busy with her projects, Kucil is BUSY with her 3 babies (yes, three), and I have too many flings as well as projects at the moment. 

Consider Diva is gone. It's no use asking her to meet or have time together like we used to do, she has totally given her life and time to her boyfriend. I can't help but thinking she's changed and became stupid. Jealous? Me? I guess. But putting works aside, I could always spend time with my friends. Not like someone I know. Tsk!

Menik is stressed out with her own works. Big project, big money, and little sleep. Poor her. But, we still meet at least once a week, though.

Kucil, oh my God! She gave birth to twins! And couldn't find any good babysitter till now. So, she resigned from her job, and now dedicates her time fully as a mom and wife. Something I still can't imagine I could do. :p

I miss my friends. I miss my family. Most of my time is spent in my office. Initially, I always ask Diva if she cared to go anywhere with me. But she always said that she's watching her guy performing at gigs. Meaning if I wanted to see her, I had to go to those gigs. I am so bored with his bands. I want to watch others, which Diva won't go until hell freezes over. Well, unless her guy decides he wanted to go too. Stupid! Meanwhile, it's hard for Kucil to leave her house even for lunch because she needs to bring her 3 kids along. Whoa!

So, probably the guys I'm currently with have become some kind of rebounds for me. Hahahahaa! Jeez, I'm so fucking twisted. Using guys because the best friends are all otherwise occupied instead of the other way around. :p

See here, I'm still with Rex. He's still kind of the one for me now, even if I know that I should ditch him. It's funny, because I sometimes picture us together like a sugar daddy and his girl. He got so angry when his bass player asked for my Blackberry Messenger PIN, and it would be weird if I refuse, right? Jealous as he is, I'm also still in a relationshit, yep you read that right, with Perry. This backup guy is even more the jealous type, tsk. He got jealous when his backup guitarist took me home, and it was totally innocent. Wes is still around, and we enjoy many stolen moments at work. Hohohohoo... So, I don't mind that much if I have to work late or even on weekends because I know that I could always count on him to, errr, give me pleasure *hit my own head with brick*. And then Joe, a pop singer I met in a mixing studio for a project. He fucks well, you see. ;) 

Rex's bass player is still throwing codes at me, trying so hard to bed me. His fingers are enjoyable, but I don't think it's a good idea to say yes at the moment. Another guy is Eric, which I almost kiss that other night. He's an accomplished flirt, I gotta say. I should keep my eyes open when he's around. Can't hurt to be extra alert. Don't wanna miss a kiss, right? Hehehee...

Anyways, the numero uno bestie, aka Syd, is coming home from Oz for a few days next week. I miss her a lot that I'm taking days off from work when she's here. Can't hardly wait until she arrives. So, yeah, I expect I'll have a blast with her. Woot! :D

Bengal Meets Rex

Rex, Rex, Rex...

Met this guy a few weeks ago at a pub. He subbed for the regular singer there that day. I couldn't remember what made us swapped BlackBerry PIN, but we did. No overwhelming attraction toward each other, but yeah, I was kinda eyeing him then. He was wearing all black, and he looked devilish, rugged, but somewhat like a regular guy. Admitting that he's over forty, he stood beside my barstool everytime there's a guest come up front and sang. People might think that we're old friends when in fact, we're not. A bit weird.

When the night was over, nothing else happened. He hugged me and kissed my cheeks, a bit lingeringly, but hey, that's just flirting, right? ;) And not until a week later that he started to text me through BBM. I had even almost forgotten about him. Convos were innocent. He was married with 2 kids. He works in legal. And he kept me company with his chats through my lonely nights in a tiny town in Sumatra about two weeks ago. And I was still oblivious to his motive. Hahahaa...

 I'm not sure when was the specific moment that our chats turned suggestive. He kept joking that he was gonna send me a picture of his 'gun'. I brushed it off, thinking he was only testing me. Then the next day, he really did. Shiit! It was, uh, big. Big enough to render me speechless and made him worried that he had scared me away. At last, I responded and said something encouraging. After that, things escalated pretty quickly. 

We met for a date earlier this week. His wife was out of town. But the damn thing is that I was having my period. So no real action, had to be satisfied with deep, long kisses that night. But we talked a lot, though. We made clear of our own positions in this so-called relationship. He told me about the hell hole he called home, and I told him that I have someone else on the side. 

So, there. That's how we hooked up. And now I'm busy and he's busy and we still haven't fucked, yet. 

Aaaaaaaagggghhhhh!!! Rex, fuck me, please!

20120510, 05:40 pm

Blank.

Empty.

Vacant.

Blue.

*sigh*

Bengal Stres Deadline

Mendadak serangan mendadak dari kerjaan selama 1-2 minggu terakhir. Stres deadline yang sampe kebawa mimpi, sampe males makan. Aneh memang. Ini dilema buat gue. Di 1 sisi, berat gue turun dikit, di sisi yang lain gue beberapa kali melewatkan makanan enak tanpa ada penyesalan. Bener-bener bukan gue.

Help me. I just want to have my free time back. Sheeesh...

Gila aja, dari yang biasanya gue santai dan main terus, tau2 musti pegang 5 proyek sekaligus. Semuanya deadline, dan biarpun dikerjain satu per satu, bukannya load berkurang, malah nambah terus. Mamiiiii...

I miss Agy. I met him last Sunday by accident. I want him, now. Release me from this stress, pleeeease... T.T

Insya Allah Eneg...

Jarang-jarang gue bisa suka lagu religius. Satu lagu yang gue suka adalah Insya Allah-nya Maher Zain dan Fadly Padi. Rasanya adem aja dengernya... Terus yang nyanyi cakep pula. Pokoknya gue suka deh. Banget.

Tapi itu minggu lalu. Mentang-mentang bulan Ramadhan, semua mall dan restoran memutar ini lagu, dan looping all the time. Awalnya gue sih seneng soalnya Alhamdulillah ada variasi dari lagu-lagu Bimbo yang bertahun-tahun diputar di tempat umum. Apalagi lagu yang, 'Kuntilanak bertanya pada bapaknyaa... lalalalalaaa...,' itu, tau kan lagunya?? Well, para mall ini dengan sukses merusak kesenangan gue sama lagu Insya Allah ini.

Sesuka-sukanya lo sama suatu lagu, kalo selama lebih kurang 30 hari dengarin 1 lagu tersebut sebanyak at least 20x sehari, eneg juga kan... Tuh kan, abis adzan maghrib, nih tempat langsung deh balik ke lagu sialan ini. *Glek*

No Working Lebaran After All...

Bad news for me and the guys, good news for our families. The Lebaran project was cancelled. That means no extra money and no funny stories. That means I have to spend Lebaran with my close family, which is good, and visit the elders and older relatives, which I hate to do. Their questions are excessive, insolent, and rude. Whether I want to get married now or never is none of your business, ladies and gents. This is my life and you have no say in it. Heck, you didn't even pay for my tuitions etc. Bleh...

So I digressed. The real issue here is the damned client. The stupid client who had no understanding whatsoever on cost and capital. Who thinks that our company is some kind of a charity bank for clients. Dude, when we say your budget is not enough, that means it's not enough. Don't badmouth us and say that we were a bad company who didn't know shit about our work. YOU don't know shit! From now on, you are in our blacklisted clients. So long, bitches... :*

Beb, Beb, Bebeb...

Seriously, do not ever call me 'Beb' or 'Bebeb'. Coming from experience and observation, I find those so called endearments insulting. You know I work in event management. One important thing in the business is human resources, and one of them is Sales Promotion Girls/Boys. There are thousands of SPG in Jakarta only. Most of them know each other by face, but could hardly recall each others' names unless they are in the same agency or have been working together for a long period of time. So, unashamedly, they use 'Bebeb' to call their friends.

Once I asked a girl how did 'Bebeb' came into her vocabulary, and why she started to use it. She said that her friends started to use it first, and it's probably started by the wardrobe and make up gays who fussed over them. And voila! Everyone's name is Bebeb. Just call them Beb. Bleh...

If you say that Bebeb means 'Sayang,' hellooo... Maybe you mean 'Baby' ya? I use it only for the people I really care about, not to just about anyone. You'd only degrade the meaning of the word. It's called endearment for a reason, ya know, to endear someone. *sigh*

So, that's the reasons of why I so hate to be called Bebeb. It's awful. You can always ask my name if you don't know or forget. You think I'm too extreme? Too lebay? So be it. I am entitled to state my own opinion. And I have a right to not be called Bebeb. By ANYONE.

Thank you.

Blue Moods. PMS?

Blue moods again. Really not a good time to be in this mood. Need to bounce back. Damn...

Always hate when it's like this. I hope this is just PMS. Amen...

Still Can Taste It

I still couldn't hardly believe that he kissed me there. In a bright Domino's outlet. And that I can still taste his lips on mine, even now.

God...

Bye, Boyfriend...

Jujur, gue mau pacaran karena cari seneng. Ngapain pacaran kalo yang ada gue jadi ngomel ato emosi melulu? I've been disappointed by Ben for so many times, without even meeting him in person for weeks. I don't know whether it's because we have different circle, different way of thinking, or maybe I simply expect too much of him. So maybe it's my fault. Seeing that, I broke up with him a few weeks ago. But he apologized, so we made up.

So, I tried and tried to make time for us to meet, but he said he couldn't see me because he got typhoid. And when he got better, he caught fever again despite my telling him to get a full rest. Last night, we made an appointment to meet tonight. All day I couldn't contact him. At about 8.30 pm he texted me he wanted to go to a metal gig somewhere with his friends. Shoot, man! He stood me up. Then he said he wanted to take me there with him, I guess because he sensed how I was pissed that our rendezvous was cancelled. Dude, I don't need that kind of thing. Just go and fuck yourself. And please leave me alone.

For the last hour he's been texting me saying sorry and asking to see me tonight. Hello?!?! Where have you been all day, man? You promised me, last night. I don't appreciate your attitude. I have a life. Piss off, a-hole!

Need You, Beach

When you'd been stuck at home for 2 days in a row, you'd know how I'm feeling right now. Spend almost the whole time for sleeping, eating, laying around, watching TV, reading, basically just being a lazybum. And now I feel so bloated. Buekhh...

In this kind of situation, it's no wonder that I'd be imagining of going on an impromptu trip to Bali or Seychelles. I really miss the beach. Even strolling around Ancol's paved beach would be a welcomed moment these days.

Damn, I need air. I need to breathe. I need to be outside. I need to be by the ocean. :((

Stressed Out Bengal

Stupid client!! Hello, when we present or strategy, it should be to your boss, not you!! Fucked up underlings...

That being said, I guess I just need to say that I NEED A HOLIDAY!! A FUCKIN' LONG HOLIDAY!!

Wondering when that would happen, for real.

*sigh*

Ratapan Pekerja Tiri

I know reading about how busy we are or how our workload were such a shitload is so boring and overrated. But well, sometimes I can't help it. This is where I can write about it, I don't have to worry if my bosses or colleagues reading it, and so on. I twit a lot. A LOT!! But complaining about my work is something I will not do on Twitter nor Facebook. A big NO. Complaining about clients too. A bigger NO. It's almost like suicide, you know? And that should be enough reason for me to pour all about it here, on my secret blog. Teehee...

Boring as it is, here goes. I've been working on 3 projects and 1 pitching. Thank goodness 1 project is almost done. That one was like a problematic child. Nothing seemed to go perfectly right. We always checked and rechecked, but there's always something missing or weirdly changed in the result. If you checked my email, 80 percent of inbox content are all about that one project. Shiiit! *feels like scrubbing my BB clean with soap*

And there's this pitching coming up, seem like a big one. And we need to work it out, all are nearing deadlines, and all need extra efforts. If you ever worked in your office for at least a week without going back to your pad, I'm sure you'd know how this feels. So, I don't have to say more. Like I have the time to tell all about it now. Cih...

That's all I need to say, now. *balik kerja sambil meratap*

Split The Body?

What a hectic month! Barely had time to stroll around. The body all stiff and cranky from all those workload, mentally and physically. Currently working on projects and proposals for 3 clients. All need full concentration, meanwhile, one project manager already requested the boss to have me working exclusively on his project. Maybe this is the time for me to split my body into 3? :p

Only have time to meet the boyfriend late at night, almost never on weekends since both of us work on weekends. Almost never see Menik and Kucil these last few weeks. Barely communicating too, only now and then I join the conversation in our BB group chat. Damn...

Please, give me time for myself... Pwiiiiissss...

Gagal Menghibur Diri, Njing!

Gue pengen melakukan 1 hal yang sederhana: cari hiburan. Bagi gue cara yang pas adalah menikmati musik. Cuma kali ini gue pengen menikmati live music. Pas lagi pengen2nya tau2 di FB ada notification bahwa salah satu band yang lagi gue incer malam ini perform di salah satu kafe di Jakarta Selatan.

Nah, nonton live music kan enaknya rame2 ya. At least berdua lah. Masalahnya anak2 kantor pada ogah. Mereka seneng musiknya, tapi kere semua. Gak mau ngeluarin uang ekstra dikit. Sebenernya gue udah lama mikir kalo mereka itu takut sama tempat gaul. Bukan takut sama pergaulannya, mereka mah anak badung semua. Tapi mereka gak ngerti musti ngapain disana. Hahahaaa... Mereka dulu suka mabok2an, ngobat juga, tapi ngeriung di lingkungan rumah mereka masing. Kelas berat deh. Tapi kalo diajak ke tempat hangout langsung cemen deh.

Sahabat2 gue punya selera musik yang beda sama gue. Gue bisa menikmati musik mereka, tapi range selera mereka gak seluas gue. Jadi sama aja, susah juga kadang2 kalo gue pengen ngumpul sambil dengerin classic rock. Padahal gue pengen banget. Dan Menik kalo gak doyan ya udah, harga mati deh. Gak bakal bisa dibujuk. Sementara Kucil lagi keluar kota. Hiks...

Nasib jadi cewek rokenrol tapi salah lingkungan. Taeee... Makin stres aja gue.

Posting Kamfredd Keberapa Ya?

Tekad gue hari ini adalah gue harus mulai usaha nulis lagi. Mau nulis di blog aja rasanya males banget. Males mikir, males ngetik, males riset kalo ada hal yg musti diriset, males kalo ada anak kantor yang ngintip kalo gue lagi nge-blog, males semua-muanya deh.

Pas lagi di jalan ato sibuk, tau2 nongol aja tu inspirasi. Ada aja yang pengen ditulis. Begitu ada waktu buat nulis, udah standby di depan macbook, eh lupa semua apa yang mau ditulis. Jadinya malah nyampah gak jelas kayak gini nih. Kamfredd... :(

Incompatible BB-Blogspot

Entah kenapa, udah beberapa hari terakhir ini gue mengalami kesulitan ngeblog dari BlackBerry gue. Padahal lagi mood nulis, eh alatnya gak mendukung. Kan gue gak selalu berada dekat laptop ato PC. Pas lagi di taxi ato lagi duduk di Starbucks, trus pengen nulis, eh gagal maning. Bete. Dan begitu udah nangkring di depan monitor laptop, langsung mati ide lagi. Moodnya ilang, idenya ilang, dan kalaupun jadi nulis ya hasilnya nyampah kayak gini.

Damn...

What is it with you, Blogspot?

11302010, 07:53 pm

Entah kenapa hari ini rasanya aneh. Badan gue kedinginan terus dari kemarin. Terus hari ini moodnya rada bluish gitu. :(

I'm either PMS-ing, or just fell into my blue moods. Damn...

Definitely need something to perk my ultimately boring life up. Hey, shaggable guys, where the hell are you??

Bengal Misses Her Alay

Being ill sucks. Staying in bed for more than a day puts me in a restless mood. Adding an alay into the equation results in fiasco. A fiasco in my mind. Jeez, I am head over heels. Oh please cure me. I hate being sick, and I can't stand missing someone like this.

Sometimes, I feel as if I'm in the twilight zone. The theme song plays over and over in my head. This object of my affection is so totally unlikely for me. I like tall guy, white and muscular, smart and articulate, clean cut and shaven, and he IS not even one of those things, for Pete's sake!! He's an alay, what more can you expect?

I'm a lost cause. For me to stoop this low is unforgivable. *pardon my expression, no offense to alays out there*. And to know that he's indifferent is the last straw. I think I should go see a shrink.

I miss him, I keep thinking about him. I realize that he's definitely not the first thing in my mind every time I wake up, but he's the one in mind before I sleep. I miss him. Yeah, alay or not, I miss him. :(

Mati Gaya di Acara Keluarga, Selalu...

Haduuuuh, paling stres kalo lagi acara keluarga deh. Banyakan yang gue gak kenal. Basa basi n pasang muka manis. Sopan to the max. Apalagi kalo yang punya acara tuh justru keluarga ipar. Makin mati gaya deh. Dan ternyata mereka lebih rewel nanyain soal jodoh. Eyangs n tantes, please deh. None of your business ye! Oh, one more thing, you need to shut your mouth up, too, dear bro. Dasar kompor mledug! Huh!