Reminiscing and Remembering (The Boys)

I was in a contemplative mood. And this is the result. Contemplating my past relationships and flings. Can you see the pattern in them? I'm pretty sure I have an aberration in my mind, aside of being plain hormonal, err, I mean horny.

Agy
The guy who was always in the back of my mind. Probably I am to be permanently curious. See, we started something but never got around to finish it properly the first time. Until we met again, and started a fling. Even that went intermittently and then wore off. Still, we left each other hanging. Sucks, huh?

Rex
Rex, hmm. One of my failure in nonexistent relationship. Married with kids, has a gaylike attitude, but he seemed rough at the start. But well hey, that's what happens when you jumped into a fling too soon. A lesson learned, the hard way.

Perry
A married Bataknese who's in a critical marriage condition. The backup guy who I had let go. Can't imagine myself with him for a long term, but at that time, you know what they say: dibuang sayang :p. But when he said he's ready to go through a separation with wifey and dared to propose to me, that's the end. I wasn't a girl looking for commitment. Damn, commitments scare me more than Count Dracula!

Eric
An interesting guy. He always makes the first move but sometimes acts all innocent. Knows he's attractive and has his own groupies. Seeming aloof with them and treating everyone the same. But when they're not around, then he makes his hands available and keeps hugging and touching me and making sexual innuendos. Must be careful with him, I already knowingly make him as my second resort whenever I have a conflict with Joe. And yeah, he's married.

Ben
My first kosher boyfriend, which turned out like having no boyfriend at all. No thrills, no sparks, well probably a one way spark. His way. :p Well, no more kosher than Mbul. He's actually a divorcee with a daughter. He tried to hide his status from me, but I'm not stupid. It's not like I minded, all my relationships before him had been with married guys, so his status was actually an improvement. Or so I thought.

Wes
A single guy, and one of my weakness. I actually have regrets that I led him on, especially that now I have Joe. But it's kinda hard to blow his bubble and deflate him, even though I know I'm not that into him now. So, he's turning into a liability. It scares me whenever I thought how attracted I was to him at the start of or fling, and how turned off I am now.

Jimmy
The guy who escaped untouched. A two way attraction, he even made plans of sexual positions he wanted to experiment with me, hahahaha. But he's too chicken to jump me in reality, and I'm a bit turned off by his indecision. Though I didn't mind ruining his ideals so he'd see the world as I did. Idealistic sucks, my friends. The flirting was fun while it lasts, though.

CrewCut
A superfling. Wow. What a rebound guy. Always available for me. He even said he loved me. But I know better than to snatch him away from wifey. Anyways, serious relationships were turnoffs. Pfffft...

Mbul
Not many people can say that they have a loved one who passed away, who died and left you hanging. Damnit, Mbul! He saved me from Alv. I was happy for the first time, and felt so free when we started seeing each other. but apparently He had other plan. Rest in peace, Mbul. Hope your son grows to be a good person. 

Alv
A piece of shit, a retard, a junkard, an asshole, a bully, an abuser, a coward. 5 years of abuse, and i won't have any of that anymore. I'm free as a bird. Or so I thought until I met, well, Joe. 

Joe
Well, that's for another story. :p

Seminggu Yang Pedas

Seminggu belakangan ini, nafsu menyantap makanan super pedas semakin menggila. Setiap hari, gue makan di Warung Penyet Bu Kris, Bebek Ireng Cak Baz, Bebek Goreng Pak Joko Putro, Bebek Goreng H. Slamet, dan Ramen Sanpachi.

Entah kenapa, tiap gue ke Warung Bu Kris, pas browsing menunya yang banyak itu, gue selalu end up dengan Lele Penyet Super Pedas, Tahu Telor, dan Sayur Asem. Biarpun di awal udah bayangin ayam goreng, bebek goreng, gurame, tempe/tahu, telor, baksi, udang, teri, dll, tetep aja pesennya lele. Heran. Daaan, efek makan disini adalah bibir merah, keringetan sekujur tubuh, perut begah, dan pose nyender dengan mata sayu bego.  Dua minggu sekali ke sini masih oke lah. Tapi seminggu sekali atau dua kali, jadi flat rasanya. Cuma dapat kenyang doang.

Nah, kalo cowok gue senengnya Bebek Ireng Cak Baz. Gue sebenernya sih biasa aja sama sambel di sini. Kurang gahar. Tapi Joe suka, ya kesini deh kadang-kadang. Nah, jangan pesen yang lain selain bebek peking, karena cuma dia yang dagingnya paling empuk sampe nyaris copot dari tulang. Kalo varian bebek yang lainnya pada lumayan alot. Bagusnya di sini lo bebas ambil sambelnya, karena udah tersaji di meja.

Bebek Goreng Pak Joko Putro ini emang edan. Favorit gue selain bebek goreng adalah paru goreng, tahu, dan SAMBAL SETAN yang musti dipesan khusus. Asli SETAN nih sambel. Sukaaaaa!! Sayur asemnya juga oke loh. Kalo Joe pasti tambah pete. Gue sih jauh-jauh dari benda terkutuk itu. Haduh, jadi pengen ke sana lagi. Ntar malem boleh juga kayaknya. Gak bakal bosen kalo ke sini tiap hari sih. :D

Kalo Bebek Goreng H. Slamet sih gak usah dibahas lah ya. Emangnya masih ada yang belum pernah makan di sana? Pesanan gue, jelas paha dan kepala goreng, tahu/tempe kalo ada, tambah nasi 1/2, dan ekstra 2 sambal. Untuk gue doang. Sambal korek Slamet, I heart you, beibeh...

Ramen Sanpachi. Hmmm... Emang pedes dan bikin keringatan. Apalagi yang pake level kayak Jigoku Ramen itu. Gue biasanya sih mentok di level 8 aja. Itu udah cukup bikin mules, biarpun kadang lidah gue masih mencari sesuatu yang nendang. Sayangnya, kalo tambah level pedes, berarti rasanya makin asiiiin, padahal mah porsi mie dan kuahnya ya tetep segitu aja. Kalo mau ya lo pesen level yang kira-kira keasinannya gak bikin rambut lo rontok, terus minta tambah rawit merah deh. Yang paling oke di sini menurut gue justru bukan ramen, tapi tori karaage-nya. Yang paling gak oke, service charge dan tax-nya. Rasanya lebih nendang daripada jigoku level 15. Cih!

Dan bisa ngebahas makanan-makanan bersambel itu, jadi pengen aja makan lagi. Tapi gue bingung, seminggu ini malah belum mules dan belum boker. Sadis, sialan. Perut udah gede banget gini, belum kebuang isinya. Perlu cabe yang kayak gimana lagi sih biar bisa nguras isi perut?

Eh, ada tukang bakso lewat! Tuang sambel ke mangkok trus tambahin bakso dan kuah enak juga kayaknya. :p

Just A Quick 'Update'

Well, just a quick update. I'm actually getting married!

...

...

...

BOO!!!

Okay, I lied.

Fooled you, didn't I? No? Okay. Worth a try, anyway.

:D

Bengal is Grateful

Just wanna take the time to say grace and be thankful for this good life. Work is great at the moment. Totally busy but can't complain about the money, though... The only bad thing is I can't play with my niece, Bangbag, as much as I want to.

And the thing that I am most grateful for is Joe. He came into my life, wormed his way into my heart, and makes me fall in love with him. The first guy I could imagine to really spend the rest of my life with. A unique guy with principal. Anti-mainstream but also old-fashioned in some ways. He is many things. He also has faults. But he loves me, and I love him.

And I never thought I could be this corny. But, it's okay because I'm in love. It's a perfect excuse to be corny and silly, right? ;)

Life IS good. And I hope it lasts.

Thank you, God...

Bengal vs Besties vs Boys

Life is not so okay. Diva has been too busy going here and there with her boyfriend, Menik is busy with her projects, Kucil is BUSY with her 3 babies (yes, three), and I have too many flings as well as projects at the moment. 

Consider Diva is gone. It's no use asking her to meet or have time together like we used to do, she has totally given her life and time to her boyfriend. I can't help but thinking she's changed and became stupid. Jealous? Me? I guess. But putting works aside, I could always spend time with my friends. Not like someone I know. Tsk!

Menik is stressed out with her own works. Big project, big money, and little sleep. Poor her. But, we still meet at least once a week, though.

Kucil, oh my God! She gave birth to twins! And couldn't find any good babysitter till now. So, she resigned from her job, and now dedicates her time fully as a mom and wife. Something I still can't imagine I could do. :p

I miss my friends. I miss my family. Most of my time is spent in my office. Initially, I always ask Diva if she cared to go anywhere with me. But she always said that she's watching her guy performing at gigs. Meaning if I wanted to see her, I had to go to those gigs. I am so bored with his bands. I want to watch others, which Diva won't go until hell freezes over. Well, unless her guy decides he wanted to go too. Stupid! Meanwhile, it's hard for Kucil to leave her house even for lunch because she needs to bring her 3 kids along. Whoa!

So, probably the guys I'm currently with have become some kind of rebounds for me. Hahahahaa! Jeez, I'm so fucking twisted. Using guys because the best friends are all otherwise occupied instead of the other way around. :p

See here, I'm still with Rex. He's still kind of the one for me now, even if I know that I should ditch him. It's funny, because I sometimes picture us together like a sugar daddy and his girl. He got so angry when his bass player asked for my Blackberry Messenger PIN, and it would be weird if I refuse, right? Jealous as he is, I'm also still in a relationshit, yep you read that right, with Perry. This backup guy is even more the jealous type, tsk. He got jealous when his backup guitarist took me home, and it was totally innocent. Wes is still around, and we enjoy many stolen moments at work. Hohohohoo... So, I don't mind that much if I have to work late or even on weekends because I know that I could always count on him to, errr, give me pleasure *hit my own head with brick*. And then Joe, a pop singer I met in a mixing studio for a project. He fucks well, you see. ;) 

Rex's bass player is still throwing codes at me, trying so hard to bed me. His fingers are enjoyable, but I don't think it's a good idea to say yes at the moment. Another guy is Eric, which I almost kiss that other night. He's an accomplished flirt, I gotta say. I should keep my eyes open when he's around. Can't hurt to be extra alert. Don't wanna miss a kiss, right? Hehehee...

Anyways, the numero uno bestie, aka Syd, is coming home from Oz for a few days next week. I miss her a lot that I'm taking days off from work when she's here. Can't hardly wait until she arrives. So, yeah, I expect I'll have a blast with her. Woot! :D

Wes, Pt. 2

Note: This post should have been posted around September or October.

Wes gawe di kantor gue lagi selama beberapa minggu ini. Pas hari pertama dia nongol dia langsung cengar-cengir ngeliat gue kaget, soalnya gak ada yang ngasih tau kalo dia bakal kesini. Hahahaa... A nice surprise, nonetheless. Begitu dia duduk di sebelah gue, langsung kecium aroma wanginya yang khas. Huaaaa, langsung pengen nyenderin kepala di bahunya deh. :p

Ternyata gue kangen juga sama makhluk satu ini, biarpun cueknya setengah mampus. Ato guenya aja yang lagi haus belaian kali? Pokoknya sih karena posisi kerja dia deketan banget sama gue, seharian gue musti nyium wanginya dan dengerin suaranya yang dalem, bikin horny kampret! Tahan, Bengal! Tahaaan...

Seminggu pertama berhasil dilalui dengan aman dan sedikit ngilu menahan sesuatu. *cewek kok ngilu?* Hahahahaa... Masuk minggu kedua, langsung jeder halus.

Jadi, kantor lagi sepi soalnya ada yang lagi keluar, ada yang lagi tidur, ada yang lagi ke klien ato vendor. Di atas cuma ada gue dan Wes, sama si Jimmy, tapi dia di ruangan dalem. Gue pengen ngopi, jadi gue naik ke pantry atas. Becanda ajak si Wes ikut, 'Sayang, ikut aku naik yuk? Mumpung sepi...', sambil ngedipin mata centil tanpa berharap apa-apa. Eh, setan lewat, dia langsung bangun dari kursi, ambil cangkirnya yang kosong dan ngikutin gue. Sampe atas, masih santai, gue isi panci untuk rebus air. Baru nyalain api, Wes manggil dari pintu pantry. 'Pssst, sini...' Gue agak bingung, ngapain nih orang berdiri doang di situ.

'Ngapain lo disitu, Wes? Masuk aja kenapa?'

'Sini duluuu...'

Penasaran, gue samperin ke tempat dia berdiri. Begitu udah deket, tangannya narik gue, gue kaget kirain ada serangga ato apa. Gue ditarik sampe nabrak badannya, terus tangan sebelahnya narik kepala gue dan diciumlah bibir gue dengan suksesnya. Syiiiiiittt! Bego banget gue, ya? Segitu polosnya dan gak nyangka dia bakal beneran berani nyium gue! Ahahahahahaa...

Gue kaget beku, untung udah gak pegang cangkir ato panci. Bisa krompyang berisik dan bikin kehebohan kan. Terus dia berhenti dan melepas pelukannya. Ngeliatin gue sambil nyalain rokok. Gue kaget rada panas dingin dan kepala blank, cuma bisa ngeloyor ke kompor ngecek air. Terus balik lagi ke tempat dia. Berdiri di depan dia, liatin matanya, baru mau inisiatif nyium balik, eh udah keduluan. Rokoknya dibuang, gue dipepet ke tembok sebelah pintu pantry, dan abis deh gue diciumin dari bibir, leher, dan lain-lain. Tangan udah pada liar lah, tangan gue dan tangan dia udah gak jelas kemana-mana. Dan posisi kita tepat dibawah CCTV kantor, jadi gak keliatan juga di monitornya, hahahaha... Sinting. 

Lagi asik grinding dan tangannya sibuk di dalem t-shirt gue, mendadak ada bunyi orang naik tangga. Bubaaar... Kita langsung beresin baju masing-masing, gue balik ke posisi depan kompor, dia nyalain rokok sok cool, padahal keliatan celananya berjendol gitu. Hihihihii... Ternyata si Jimmy yang naik dan gak pake ba-bi-bu langsung ngeloyor lewatin kita dan masuk ke mushola yang emang posisinya harus lewatin pantry.

Sport jantung? Banget. Puas? Gak. Mau lagi? Mau. Ada kesempatan? Gak ada sama sekali sampe sekarang.

Zzzzzzzzz....

Rex's Deadly Text

He was performing on one of his gigs, and when he had a minute in between songs, he grabbed his BlackBerry and texted me 'Love you...'

*melted*

Damn you, Rex. I'm still trying to fight the growing feeling. Please don't make it any harder for me, hun... :')

And then he sang Whitesnake's Is This Love, with his eyes on me all the time. 

*gulp*

Help!

Bengal Meets Rex

Rex, Rex, Rex...

Met this guy a few weeks ago at a pub. He subbed for the regular singer there that day. I couldn't remember what made us swapped BlackBerry PIN, but we did. No overwhelming attraction toward each other, but yeah, I was kinda eyeing him then. He was wearing all black, and he looked devilish, rugged, but somewhat like a regular guy. Admitting that he's over forty, he stood beside my barstool everytime there's a guest come up front and sang. People might think that we're old friends when in fact, we're not. A bit weird.

When the night was over, nothing else happened. He hugged me and kissed my cheeks, a bit lingeringly, but hey, that's just flirting, right? ;) And not until a week later that he started to text me through BBM. I had even almost forgotten about him. Convos were innocent. He was married with 2 kids. He works in legal. And he kept me company with his chats through my lonely nights in a tiny town in Sumatra about two weeks ago. And I was still oblivious to his motive. Hahahaa...

 I'm not sure when was the specific moment that our chats turned suggestive. He kept joking that he was gonna send me a picture of his 'gun'. I brushed it off, thinking he was only testing me. Then the next day, he really did. Shiit! It was, uh, big. Big enough to render me speechless and made him worried that he had scared me away. At last, I responded and said something encouraging. After that, things escalated pretty quickly. 

We met for a date earlier this week. His wife was out of town. But the damn thing is that I was having my period. So no real action, had to be satisfied with deep, long kisses that night. But we talked a lot, though. We made clear of our own positions in this so-called relationship. He told me about the hell hole he called home, and I told him that I have someone else on the side. 

So, there. That's how we hooked up. And now I'm busy and he's busy and we still haven't fucked, yet. 

Aaaaaaaagggghhhhh!!! Rex, fuck me, please!

@BidadariBengal on Twitter

I got a Twitter account, now. You can follow me, just click @BidadariBengal. :D

Err, being an anonymous account, I now can do the cowardly things such as bashing and trolling the people I don't like in real life. Still, strictly #nomention, of course. :p

And I can use this account to satisfy my curiosity about those sex accounts on Twitter, which I will not do with my real account. After all, a girl needs to jaga image juga kan, ciin...

Oh well, enjoy it. Follow me if you will. But I don't do that follback thingies. I only follow those I want to. No hard feelings. ;)

From The Voice to My Voice

Still captivated by his voice. Thankfully (or damnedly), not for a lot longer. I'll probably be able to hold it until next week. But, damn, I think I'm starting to get caught deeper into his net.

At first, I thought I could think of him only as The Voice. But for the past few days, we have talked about many things. Things I never knew could interest him. So it hasn't been all about work and silly jokes, but also a wide range of topics. On one day we talked about a gadget he recently acquired for his work, same kind of designing pad. Then on another day, we talked about the increasing rate of motorbike gangster that has been a terror in town. Yesterday, we discussed about conspiration theories, ranging from man-made 'natural disasters', Freemasonry and Illuminati, to NII and Jamaah Islamiyah.

And now somehow he had changed into My Voice. It's just that he's not mine. Shit. Have I fallen for him? Everyday I have difficulties restraining my limbs not to touch him. Not to hold him. Stupid Bengal. Shouldn't let an intelligent mind screw with me.

The Voice + Intelligence = Bengal's Doomsday...

Fuck me, please. Literally, honey... :'(

New Voice In My Head

My team recruited a freelance designer for a project. He's actually one of our previous employees, but had resigned years ago. I didn't get any close to him at that time. And since working together for this project, I came to realize that he's got a killer voice.

Shit! Bengal fell hard. For his voice. Shiiiiiit...

We sat side by side for the past 2 or 3 weeks. Imagine how I have to suffer through this sensual Spanish Inquisition.

I don't know who had started this kinda flirty banter. Maybe I've been sending some sort of come hither signal or maybe he became kinda attracted to me, we've been verrry flirty for the past few weeks. A running joke is how we wished there weren't any cameras in the office.

'Pssst, Bengal!' he'd whispered in my ear.

'Huh?' I'd surprisedly looked at him and would find his lips only centimeters from mine.

'If there's no camera...' he'd left the sentence hanging, then he'd wink and grin.

I'd grin widely, 'I know. Pffft...'

We'd both stare back at our own notebook, but once or twice he'd graze my thigh oh so softly and silently laugh. That flirt! :D

And I still have to endure his deep voice every time he speaks.

Damn, flirting is fun! ;)

Bengal's 1st 2012 Post

So, I'm about two weeks late, but anyway, I want to say Happy New Year 2012 to you all. May this year be a satisfying one in all your aspects of life.

So far, my first two weeks has been deemed flat and boring. I've done nothing but sleep, work, and eat.

Even this post is so boring. Pfffft...

Well, Kinda...

Isn't it kinda weird to stare at someone's BlackBerry Messenger profile picture or Facebook account or Twitter avatars and be able to say something like, 'Hmm, he kissed divinely,' or 'Eh, I've fucked him once,' or 'I know he wants me, I want him, should get this over with and meet up with him...'?

If so, well then, I AM weird. Well, kinda... *sigh*

Okay, not weird. Slutty, maybe. :((

Once Upon A Conversation

At Agy's house. I was drinking coffee. He was working with his laptop.

Agy: 'I wanna get you pregnant...'
Bengal: 'Uh...'

How do you respond to that kind of statement?

Insya Allah Eneg...

Jarang-jarang gue bisa suka lagu religius. Satu lagu yang gue suka adalah Insya Allah-nya Maher Zain dan Fadly Padi. Rasanya adem aja dengernya... Terus yang nyanyi cakep pula. Pokoknya gue suka deh. Banget.

Tapi itu minggu lalu. Mentang-mentang bulan Ramadhan, semua mall dan restoran memutar ini lagu, dan looping all the time. Awalnya gue sih seneng soalnya Alhamdulillah ada variasi dari lagu-lagu Bimbo yang bertahun-tahun diputar di tempat umum. Apalagi lagu yang, 'Kuntilanak bertanya pada bapaknyaa... lalalalalaaa...,' itu, tau kan lagunya?? Well, para mall ini dengan sukses merusak kesenangan gue sama lagu Insya Allah ini.

Sesuka-sukanya lo sama suatu lagu, kalo selama lebih kurang 30 hari dengarin 1 lagu tersebut sebanyak at least 20x sehari, eneg juga kan... Tuh kan, abis adzan maghrib, nih tempat langsung deh balik ke lagu sialan ini. *Glek*

No Working Lebaran After All...

Bad news for me and the guys, good news for our families. The Lebaran project was cancelled. That means no extra money and no funny stories. That means I have to spend Lebaran with my close family, which is good, and visit the elders and older relatives, which I hate to do. Their questions are excessive, insolent, and rude. Whether I want to get married now or never is none of your business, ladies and gents. This is my life and you have no say in it. Heck, you didn't even pay for my tuitions etc. Bleh...

So I digressed. The real issue here is the damned client. The stupid client who had no understanding whatsoever on cost and capital. Who thinks that our company is some kind of a charity bank for clients. Dude, when we say your budget is not enough, that means it's not enough. Don't badmouth us and say that we were a bad company who didn't know shit about our work. YOU don't know shit! From now on, you are in our blacklisted clients. So long, bitches... :*

Another Working Lebaran?

Puasa udah di minggu kedua atau ketiga ya? Gue gak pernah ngitung, tapi yang jelas Lebaran ini gue bakal gawe lagi kayak tahun lalu. Ahiiiy! Eversince I graduated college then be a worker/employee/whatever, you could count the time I spent Lebaran with my family using only the fingers in one hand. :p And since my parents gone, I don't much care anymore. It's all the better, because it means more money, and less hassle with the relatives. Well, you know, how they always kaypoh about my love life blah blah blah...

So maybe I said yes to this project partly because I kind of trying to skirt this neverending issue with my family/relatives. But more because I like being away from Jakarta and being with my colleagues, even if it wouldn't be in a what you's call comfortable place. But that's what make your life stories, right?

Buuut, as there's still no contract, yet, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed. Meanwhile, our team still working on 2 other pitchings and an ideal project. What do I mean by ideal? Well, my other team is working on a supposedly an exbihition, supposedly abroad, and supposedly would totally attract one of our client. Yeah, right. I'm not so sure about that. I don't have a good feeling for the rest of the year. *sigh*

So, yeah. That's it. *sigh again*

Oooh, Toby...

Been watching The Listener this weekend. Toby Logan's sweet character overlaid Craig Olejnik's totally hot body. So he's not that tall. But the proportion is perfect. Toned but slim, nice legs, good arms, oh man, he's nice all over. His chest, his neck, his shoulder, I bet his toes are nice too. :p

Okay, this is not a good topic during fasting. *smacking my own head*

Revelation

Revelation. What a word. What would you do when you found out that nothing is as it seems? Yeah, I know. Nothing IS as it seems. Ever. So, why would I be surprised? It's just I wouldn't have expected this, from my own best friend nonetheless. Feeling betrayed? Somewhat.

Well, it's not that bad, actually. She just suddenly decided to be more her own person. Which she apparently hadn't been in all these years of friendship with me and Kucil. Which we didn't know until now. Some friends we are, huh? :( Now all we have to do is to adapt and adjust. :/

07212011; 07:07 pm

Ternyata kalo makan dalam keadaan emosi tuh jadinya kacau ya... Hehee. Jadi tadi siang makan nasi padang. Terus tadi sore beli pisang goreng dan kolak durian. Ehh, temen gue dateng ke kantor bawain pizza dan fusilli dari Pizza Hut. Ampun... Perut gue rasanya mau meledak sekarang. :p

Sekarang kekenyangan, terus dengerin lagu sambil cek timeline di Twitter. It's hilarious seeing how some people trying to sound smart and sophisticated while in fact they sound stupid and illiterate instead. Pathetic. And that is such an entertainment for me. Yeah, I'm that bad, I know. So, sue me. Wew...

Had an interesting convo this morning with someone close to me. Apparently we had a mutual opinion on something. Hmm, interesting... *misterius amat sih, Ngal?* :p

Oh well. Gotta go. People to see, places to be. Tataa... *blowing kisses*