10042010, 05:02 pm

The mood is blue. Looking at me, you might not know it. I just feel a little empty inside. Bored to the skull. So bored that I think I'm on the brink of stupidity. I feel stupid. Maybe I AM stupid. I don't know. This is a new level of emotion for me. Can it even be called an emotion?

Anyways, I was out of town back on Lebaran. I celebrated it at a harbor city somewhere in Java. Interesting, seeing that I wasn't with any of my family then. I was working, and I was the only Moslem there. No ketupat or lontong, no cakes, no cookies. Only instant noodles and instant porridge. Pathetic, I know. Going through it, I felt kinda miserable. But now, it makes a funky story. Something to boast. Hahaa... Yes, I am that weird. :p

Wow, the rain and thunder is awesome!! I love rains! Okay, I feel better now. Let's enjoy the freezing air. Let's spray our faces with rain. Let's get wet! Wooot!!!

Beyotch!!

Menderita kekesalan dan kebosanan. Semuanya terhadap kerjaan. Yang jelas kelelahan juga. Semua campur aduk, bikin kepala pusing, badan gak enak, semua gejala stres nongol. Jadi gak sabaran kalo menghadapi orang, terutama 1 perempuan di kantor, sebut aja Cucun - shortened from Pecun, yang badan dan emosinya gede, tapi perilaku dan etiknya kerdil.

Beberapa minggu gue tiap hari musti lihat makhluk hina ini, secara dia yang ditunjuk jadi koordinator proyek yang baru aja kelar. Dan demi Tuhan, dia adalah perempuan pertama yang bener2 pengen gue hajar abis, pengen rasanya bayar supir bus antar kota untuk kawinin dia dan bawa dia ke ujung pulau antah berantah dan gak usah kembali lagi. Najis deh tuh perempuan!!

She brings out the worst in me. It's a good thing I can keep cool, even if only on the outside. Other peeps at the office are all hostile when it comes to her. And I can't decipher as to why we still keep her. It's not like she's that good. Gaaaahhh!!! I need to hit something!! Fuck her to the hell and back!

Met Lebaran...

Happy Eid Mubarak, peeps.
Have a great one!
;)

Vigil

Spent the weekend at the hospital for Gramps. He's had a liver failure, and now he's in the ICCU. I know mom is so sad, but she still prioritizes on Bangbag. I understand how she feels. I've been there. The gist is, Gramps' condition is critical, even fatal. The doctors had said that it's just a matter of time. We're counting days. We just hope that he will pass peacefully, without pains.

God bless you, Gramps. Wishing and praying seem to be the only things I can do for you at the moment. :(

Sakura Drops - Utada Hikaru

SAKURA DROPS - Utada Hikaru

Koi wo shite owari wo tsuge
Chikau koto wa kore ga saigo no Heartbreak
Sakura sae kaze no naka de yurete
Yagate hana wo sakasu yo

Furidashita natsu no ame ga
Namida no yoko wo totta su-tto
Omoide to DABUru eizou
Aki no DORAMA saihousou

Doushite onaji you na PANCHI
Nando mo kuratchaun da
Soredemo mata tatakaun darou
Sore ga inochi no fushigi

Koi wo shite subete sasage
Negau koto wa kore ga saigo no Heartbreak
Sakura sae toki no naka de yurete
Yagate hana wo sakasu yo

Kurikaesu kisetsu no naka de
Kutsu ga suriheratteku

Motto kata no chikara nuite
Kako wa dokoka ni shimatte oke
Koko kara sou tookunai darou
Mita koto mo nai keshiki

Tomaranai mune no itami koete
Motto kimi ni chikazukitai yo
Hitomawari shite wa modori
Aoi sora wo zutto tesaguri

Koi wo shite owari wo tsuge
Chikau koto wa kyou ga saishou no good day
Sakura made kaze no naka de yurete
Sotto kimi ni te wo nobasu yo

Suki de suki de doushiyou mo nai
Sore to kore to wa kankei nai

Bengal is Stressed

#nowlistening to Sakura Drops - Utada Hikaru.

Now that I've set the mood, let's start blogging.

What I need at the moment is a solitary holiday at the beach for a month. No work stuffs, no calls and messages from the office, no rundown or schedule to follow, no panicky female boss, just me and free time. Wouldn't that be such bliss?

Sometimes I wonder what would it be like to have a novel heroine life. The scene I always have in mind is me being alone on the beach. I'd be wearing a white dress, barefooted, looking far away at the horizon. It would be in the afternoon, there would be no one else but me and my mysterious thoughts. I'd imagine being burnt out and needing time off, that's why I were at that beach. Burnt out, tired, sick of the world, having no one to run to, no relationships, and all those pathetic situations. My skirt is half wet, the wind blew my long hair, some of the hair were covering my face, but I wouldn't care. Staring at the horizon, breathing deep, half waiting for who knows what, half contemplating to jump into the sea and have fun in the water, and just when I decided to swim in my white clothes, suddenly a guy on a horse galloped toward me yelling at me to stop. I would be so shocked because I thought I were alone, uncomprehending until he jump off the horse and take me into his arms. *sheesh, how more cliche could it be? :p*

He'd scream, 'What the hell do you think you're doing?'

And I'd be, like, 'Who the hell are you? Let me go!!' I'd squirm trying to get off him but he wouldn't let me go.

And the struggle would go on for some time, all those friction and unintentional touches would arouse both of us. All those time the issue would still be unclear until he took a firm hold of my arms and snap, 'Stop it, woman! I won't let you go unless you promise to stop this stupid suicide!'

I'd look so flabbergasted and froze, unbelieving how he would have the gall to think that I, I would contemplate such thing. Suicide were the last thing on my mind. 'Suicide? Who?' I'd ask stupidly.

'You! Who else?' He'd scowl and I would suddenly realize how sexy he looked.

'What? What make you think such a thing? Just who are you? How dare you accusing me like that?'

'Why else would you try to jump, with that desperate face?'

I'd stare at him, trying to make sense of everything, whether he were even real or not. 'Dude, fyi, I was gonna swim. What you called MY desperate face was me expressing my boredom before deciding to be impulsive and just go swim. Duh!'

Right, to make long story short, we would be snapping at each other for a while, but he'd get it eventually. Next scene would be how we would try to fight the growing chemistry. But seeing that I were an impatient writer, *Me? A writer? Hmmm*, I'd cut the bullshit and let's just fast forward to how he eventually let me go and I'd be stumbling backward before he grabbed and steadied me again. This time, he'd keep holding me. Our eyes caught, everything else seemed to have disappeared. Only me, him, our breathes synchronized, and he'd pull me closer, closer, and closer. I wouldn't have the power to break the hypnotizing stare, and our lips touched. Nothing else happened for a few seconds, just touched and stayed still. Then one of his hand would snake up and stay at the back of my neck, it would navigate how he want to kiss me. After a few long seconds, his lips would move. And I'd counter each of his moves, softly at first. So softly I could tell that he's losing patience. Tensions grew, and he'd snap. He'd kiss me hard, tongue invading every crevice and his other hand touching all over my body, arousing me. Bla bla bla and we'd end up in bed. And we'd fuck happily ever after. *So fucking cliche, girl! Pleeeease be more creative!!*

Well, I guess that was my stress level talking, added by being never-ending horny. And there's nothing I can do about it. Fuck you very much! :D

But the point is, I really so fucking need a holiday. *Sigh*

SYTYCD - Kayla & Kupono

This is one of my favorite SYTYCD coreography, Addiction. The song is Gravity by Sara Bareilles.