Nusrat Fateh Ali & Michael Brook - Tracery

The song is called Tracery, performed by Nusrat Fateh Ali and Michael Brooks.

Listen to it, and see if it doesn't move you somehow. It's like I were suddenly swooshed by magic into another dimension. A dimension where people lived a 12th century mid eastern lifestyle. Sand and dust, dirty camels, slick merchant, colorful harem girls, romantic heroes, intrigues, smell of exotic spices, heat, dried fruits, figs and dates, tents in the middle of the desert, belly dancers, and Kama Sutra. Damn, so sexy... I don't wanna open my eyes.

Bengal Misses Her Alay

Being ill sucks. Staying in bed for more than a day puts me in a restless mood. Adding an alay into the equation results in fiasco. A fiasco in my mind. Jeez, I am head over heels. Oh please cure me. I hate being sick, and I can't stand missing someone like this.

Sometimes, I feel as if I'm in the twilight zone. The theme song plays over and over in my head. This object of my affection is so totally unlikely for me. I like tall guy, white and muscular, smart and articulate, clean cut and shaven, and he IS not even one of those things, for Pete's sake!! He's an alay, what more can you expect?

I'm a lost cause. For me to stoop this low is unforgivable. *pardon my expression, no offense to alays out there*. And to know that he's indifferent is the last straw. I think I should go see a shrink.

I miss him, I keep thinking about him. I realize that he's definitely not the first thing in my mind every time I wake up, but he's the one in mind before I sleep. I miss him. Yeah, alay or not, I miss him. :(

Missing His Voice

He sang to me. His lips right at my ear. That's the click, the moment that I fell into him. Just some stupid song. In the midst of people rushing around in the convention building, he sang at my ear. I might have been blushing, I couldn't remember. And for him, for him it might be just another song to sing, another chick to woo, and then forgets all about it.

He said it was his own song. He made it, he had recorded it, and about to release it next year. Who knows? He might be the next big thing, or just another alay wannabe. Still, he's my alay. Damn, how did I get this corny? I disgust myself. :(

Yeah well, I miss his voice, and his presence. I can't even remember how it's like. The time we spent was too short, and all I got left just flashes of feeling, images, and voices. And I'm starting to lose them too.

Weird. It's just too weird for me to feel this way.

Bengal Naksir Alay :p

It's been a while since the last time I have a serious crush on someone. I guess I have one now. Flu plus crush equals shitdom. That's what I'm feeling at the moment. Totally blue and clueless. Not liking it a bit.

Ketemu cowok pas ngerjain event kemarin. Sebenernya bisa dibilang dia itu rival secara dia juga kerja di EO. Cuma karena klien kita ini pengen event besarnya ini ditangani langsung sama 3 tim, jadilah ada 3 perusahaan yg bekerja sama ngerjainnya. EO gue khusus ngerjain acara, EO dia khusus ngerjain produksi, dan yg 1 lagi khusus konsep dan image. Berbulan-bulan menggodok segala detail dan rincian, tapi bener2 ketemu dan ngobrol sebelum event itu paling cuma 2x. Hahaa, kesan pertama cuma nih anak rambutnya alay beuut. :p But something stickes, his voice was resonant and a bit husky. Just the way I like it. Damn, the trap had been opened.

Event selama seminggu, dan selama seminggu itu kita sering musti cek & ricek bermacam detail barengan. Secara pekerjaan, dia udah pasti ok karena dia udah pernah ngerjain event ini beberapa kali sebelumnya. Justru gue yang anak baru. But he's okay, not patronizing at all. Gak kelihatan keras ato apa, malah pas lagi ada show di panggung, kita udah pasti di posisi paling belakang untuk ngawasin situasi dan kondisi. And guess what, we know the same songs, we even sang and danced together. Gak ada yang jaim deh padahal bos2 kita juga ada disana. Hahahaa...

Diluar itu, kita mulai bercanda beneran pas 2 hari menjelang event berakhir. Dan mungkin disitulah gue mulai suka sama dia. Kampret. Dari segitu banyak cowok yang seliweran kenapa gue musti naksir sama anak alay ini? *jedotin kepala ke tembok* Mending kalo dia juga suka sama gue. Hiks...

Event udah kelar, udah saling add di Facebook, kalo kontak BB mah udah dari kapan tau, dan sampai disitu aja. Gak ada ajakan ngobrol, gak ada tag foto ato apa, gak ada apapun yang nunjukin dia ada perhatian sama gue sedikitpun. *yaowoooh, desperate amat gue yak? Preeeet!!*

I know he's not married, he's 30, and he's mobile, and he's definitely not gay. Oh well, he does love beautiful, skinny, lithe women. -____-' Stupid me to feel this way, ya? Dengan seleranya yang seperti itu, jelas aja dia gak bakal ngelirik gue in that way. *banting monitor*

Tapi nikmatin aja deh. Asik juga ngerasain kayak begini lagi. Ngecek BB terus, stalking FB dan Twitternya dia, sama liatin foto2nya di BB gue. Wakakakaak, gue bener2 parah deh. Najis lo, Bengaaal!! Hadoooh hampooooonnn...

Mati Gaya di Acara Keluarga, Selalu...

Haduuuuh, paling stres kalo lagi acara keluarga deh. Banyakan yang gue gak kenal. Basa basi n pasang muka manis. Sopan to the max. Apalagi kalo yang punya acara tuh justru keluarga ipar. Makin mati gaya deh. Dan ternyata mereka lebih rewel nanyain soal jodoh. Eyangs n tantes, please deh. None of your business ye! Oh, one more thing, you need to shut your mouth up, too, dear bro. Dasar kompor mledug! Huh!

Always Could Do With An Embrace

As I wrote in my previous posting, when weary or tired with the world, being in someone's arms is the cure. And I could do with an embrace right now. Not anyone's arms. But someone who's emotionally involved with you. Not best friends, but lovers. Because this embrace should be followed by arousing touches, loving kisses, all that lead to our bodies become one. Because that's when you feel the connection. That's when you're being most open emotionally. That's what gives you the adrenaline rush. And when it's over, that's when you're being content. At peace with the world. At peace with yourself.

Yes, I could do with that kind of embrace right now...

Bengal & Agy, Once Upon A Time

Minggu lalu, tiba2 Syd SMS bilang. 'Eh, kata Ibu sekarang si Agy single tuh. Trus dia udah masuk Islam.'

Flabbergasted, I answered, 'ooookaaay. And what's that supposed to do with anything?'

'Well, cuma keinget aja dulu lo n dia. Siapa tau kalian mau balik lagi. Secara dulu tuh agama jadi masalah kan?'

-______-'

Hell, well, right. So, even my best friend doesn't know the real story until now. *ooops* You see, I was still with Alv back then. Awalnya, perjanjian gue dan Alv saat itu adalah kita gak serius. Kapanpun mau putus silahkan. And kinda in a so called open relationship. I hung on to those deal. In reality, Agy was the only guy other than Alv. It was only for 2 days for Pete's sake!

It was Syd's brother's wedding. I stayed at her house for those 2 days. One time, at about 11 pm there's something needed to be done for the wedding, and Agy offered to do it. He asked me to go with him to the photocopier. The stuff didn't take long to do. When we were almost back to the house, he stopped the car. Out of the blue, he asked whether I had a boyfriend. I just shrugged. Yeah, I know, I kinda misguided him. And I was in a temporary break with Alv. But all day he sent me this come hither signals. The best friend of my best friend's brother who usually acted indifferent suddenly showering attention on me. It was so obvious. He even rubbed my cold feet in front of Syd's family and relatives earlier that night.

So the car stopped. He told me that he actually had a crush on me for a long time. I was silent. A bit shocked and unbelieving. I had no clue whatsoever. I asked him why he hadn't given any signs. And he said that he had been in relationships. None of them serious. And he wasn't looking for anything serious too. But sometimes, a guy just needed to be hugged. Needed someone to take him in her arms. When feeling weary of the world, being in someone's arms is the cure.

'Kalo cuma untuk meluk aja gue masih bisa, Gy. Tapi cuma peluk aja. Lo mau?'

Very softly he said, 'Mau banget...'

So I took him in my arms. I stroked his hair. Just holding on like that for a few moments. He stirred. I thought he wanted to end it, so I let him go, but he held me and for a fraction of a second everything but us seemed to disappear. He kissed me. Oh so softly at first. I froze. Stupidly froze. My mind went blank. Sensing no fight, he kissed me again, this time sensually licking and biting my lips. I let go my breath, my lips opened and he went deeper. Then it's over. And I was still frozen.

He said my name. I blinked. 'Why did you do that?' I asked.

He just shrugged.

I tried to move, but my hands were trembling. It was a funny sensation. My mind was still fuzzy. "Hey look! My hands are trembling, Gy!' *Anjis, polos banget gue waktu itu ya?*

'Ya ampun, soriiii banget, Ngal. Gue gak bermaksud sampe gitu. Gue gak bisa nahan, tau-tau nyium lo gitu.'

'Kita masuk aja yuk. Udah ditungguin sama kakaknya Syd kan... Let's just forget about it, shall we?'

He agreed. We said nothing after that. We entered the house and acted as if nothing had happened. It was late. He went into his designated room, I changed clothes and prepared to sleep. It's no surprise that I couldn't put myself to sleep. He was on my mind. I played the kissing scene over and over again. Trying to analyze whether I had led him on or not. On my part, I only offered to hold him for a moment. Nothing else.

Syd wanted to be with her brother and sister, so I was to sleep alone that night. I decided to get out and watch TV since I couldn't close my eyes. Before long, he went out his room and went to me. Standing by my sofa, silently asking permission to join me. I just smiled, I don't know what else to do. And I didn't want to rouse the whole house should we had a fight. And I was curious anyway. He sat next to me, before long we were holding hands.

The possibility of any of Syd's family member to suddenly wake up and caught us in contact put me in a dilemma. But sweet as he was, I threw all cautions away. *emang dasar bengal aja sih. :p* Then he pulled me so we were cuddling. Just watching tv and chatted leisurely. I don't remember until now what were watching or what we were chatting about, but it was a totally different experience compared to being with Alv. Agy was a sweeter and polished male.

'Can I kiss you again?' I turned my head and his face was only an inch away. Hesitation on my part, but that didn't deter him. He moved closer and we kissed again. Long kiss. Intimate kiss. He didn't even let me breath. I had to break our kiss to pull in some air. He captured my lips again. This time, his hands started roaming on my neck, going under my shirt, touching the sides of my breasts. Just circling, kinda putting me in a frenzy. There were a part of my anatomy longing for his touches. But he kept denying it. A moment later he pulled away.

He just looked at me. His hands on my breasts, my hands on his ruffled hair. I decided to test him. I moved closer and lick his ear. I blew softly. He shivered. I could feel his goosebumps. Power trip!! I loved the feeling. Little bites, fingers playing softly on the back of his neck, and all hell went loose. He devoured me. No chance for me to keep away. He didn't let me touch him, I let him take control. And it felt so great.

Suffice it to say that we loved those moments. The next day, he kinda asked me to be his girl. But as I was already with Alv, and I wasn't sure whether it was only lust speaking, I said no. Well, I can't say that he took it well. I've led him on, but he already knew my situation. He wanted me to choose, so I chose. Years of relationship against hours of intimation, what do you think?

It was long before I got fed up with Alv. And I've forgotten about it until Syd brought it up in a single SMS. Damn, now I have memories, and no one to relive it with. I'm soooo curious about how Agy is now. I want to know how he's doing. But then again, probably it's better this way. Probably not knowing is the better now. Probably...