Dewasa

Kadang gue mempertanyakan apakah gue ini sebenernya udah dewasa atau belum. Sebenernya apa sih yang menjadi patokan bahwa seseorang itu dewasa atau tidak? Yang pasti bukan umur ya. Anak umur 12 tahun bisa aja bertindak lebih dewasa daripada orang berusia 30 tahun.

Diumur gue yang udah kepala 3 ini gue masih nyantai, dibilang punya target ya gak juga, dibilang gak punya target juga gak. Nah loh? Gue gak pernah mencita-citakan bahwa gue harus nikah di umur sekian, jadi direktur di umur sekian, punya mobil, rumah, anak, naik haji, bla bla bla di umur sekian. Gue cuma pengen bisa hidup tenang dan senang. Gitu aja udah cukup kok. Keluarga dan lingkungan gue yang kadang berisik nyuruh gue nyari pasangan akhirnya diem juga. Bukannya gue gak mau nikah, cuma lebih tepatnya belum mau. Punya cowok sih mau, tapi suami, ntar dulu deh. Belum siap terikat dalam komitmen seperti itu. Masih pengen nyicipin ini itu juga siy. Hihihihihiii...

Punya rumah dan mobil sendiri? Jelas pengen. Tapi dengan pendapatan gue saat ini kayaknya belum bisa juga. Errrr, mungkin lebih tepatnya adalah gue belum bisa memaksa diri gue untuk menyisihkan sebagian pendapatan gue untuk ditabung. Semuanya habis untuk sehari-hari dan entertaining diri sendiri. Mungkin cuma buku dan makan, tapi gak ada yang murah di Jakarta kaleeee... Itu salah satu hal yang membuat gue meragukan tingkat kedewasaan gue.

Jujur, gue memang seperti anak kecil. Masih mau main dan senang2. Kalo bukan gue, siapa lagi yang bisa nyenengin gue? Hahaa. Salah satu efek gak punya pasangan ya gini. Memang udah risiko, santai aja...

Sadar gak sadar, gue selalu ada backup. Entah itu simpenan nyelip yang baru keinget kalo punya pas udah kepepet, ato lari ke dear bro. Yang artinya: gue masih dependen pada orang lain. Tapi udah gak separah dulu. Asli. Dulu gue pasti tiap bulan minta tambahan, apalagi waktu masih pacaran sama si Alv kampret tukang morotin itu. Sekarang gue nyaris gak pernah minta lagi. Paling kalo gue musti keluar kota, untuk pegangan aja. Seringnya gak gue pake juga, malah abisnya buat foya2 lagi pas balik ke Jakarta.

Anyways, gue juga gak ngerti kenapa dari niat pengen nulis tentang kedewasaan kok larinya jadi ke keuangan pribadi gue ya? Hmmmm... Well, whatever. Dewasa ato gak, Alhamdulillah gue happy. Mungkin gak sempurna. Gue masih belum tau juga apa yang bakal bikin kebahagiaan gue sempurna. Tapi gak ganggu banget juga. I have a great family, great friends, great job, and music to accompany me through life. And I thank God for that. :)

Bengal, Kecuekan, dan Menik

Life is hard, I know. Selalu ada cobaan, halangan, musibah, dan lain sebagainya. Menurut gue pribadi, gue termasuk orang yang beruntung. Selama ini gue hampir selalu bisa melewati segala musibah, kesialan dll dengan baik. Entah itu dengan bantuan orang lain, dengan keberuntungan gak jelas, atau dengan kecuekan gue sendiri. So far, gue bersyukur karena gue punya sifat cuek tersebut. :)

Salah satu sahabat gue, Menik, saat ini sedang tenggelam dalam keputusasaan *jiaaaah bahasanya!*. Musti diakui hidupnya berat. Dia sendirian merantau ke ibukota, harus membantu menanggung beban keuangan keluarganya yang kurang baik, ditambah lagi hal yang sudah pasti bikin hampir semua cewek drop, PATAH HATI. Kadang pusing dan heran kalau baca tweet dan blognya. Namun pada akhirnya, gue harus mencoba memahami apa yang menyebabkan dia sampai seperti itu. Gue selalu mencoba untuk menempatkan diri gue di posisi seseorang, dalam hal ini Menik. Tapi tetep aja gue gak bisa mengerti sepenuhnya kenapa perasaannya bisa sampai seperti itu. *Maapin gue, Meniiiiiik!!! Gue emang gak punya perasaan. Hiks.*

Gue cuma punya kesimpulan bahwa cuek adalah hal yang sangat penting juga. Bukan berarti kita harus cuek sampe gak perduli tentang hal2 yang terjadi di sekitar kita. Kadang bersikap masa bodoh ada untungnya juga loh. Buktinya gue belum ngerasain patah hati atau patah semangat yang dahsyat sampai saat ini. Eeemmmmmh, anyway, ini berarti yang abnormal sebenermya gue ato Menik ya? Jadi ragu juga. Hihiii...

Oy Menik, peace yo. ;)
Ayo semangat, cuy! Udah baca berapa puluh buku motivator masa masih sedih aja? Sini gue temenin makan steak. Hehee...

Simply Breakfast

Just found this blog today. Full of pictures of Jennifer Causey's breakfast menus. It's like a dream for me. These simple delicious healthy and hearty stuffs on her wooden table, so beautiful and scrumptious and clean and put tears to my eyes. I know, I'm that weird. Or maybe it's just because I love food so much. *sniff*

Man, I am so getting a jar of black cherry jam and whole wheat bread when I get home!!

Credits: Jennifer Causey - Simply Breakfast

Want My Heaven

Starting to drown in another blue mood. Thinking to contact Kucil and Menik but they seem busy. I want to go out somewhere with them and just hang out over coffee. I dunno, something just held me back. Menik is not in a very well condition mentally, and I should just let Kucil be with her husband. Or maybe it's just me want to be alone.

At times like this, a day off and hanging out at a nook with mugs of aromatic coffee and thick riveting novel would sound like heaven. At times like this, I want heaven...

Malibu - Lee Ritenour feat. Phil Perry

This song is my ultimate choice when I need to run away. It always makes me feel like I'm on a beach alone at dusk, wearing white flowing dress, with my hair blown by the wind. Just me and the beach. Wishing I am there now.

04262010, 06:51 pm

A rather laid back day. There's only 4 guys in the office, the others called in sick. Wimps. Hahaaa... It feels so great to have moment like this once every so often. No reports to make, no tasks yet, no strange music in the background, just me, coffee, and the internet.

Putting on some soothing music, it all made for a blueish ambience. I can't explain it well, but it's just my mood, probably. Only I know how it feels, but it's not something bad. In fact, it's what I crave sometimes. It's like being solitary in a comfortable floating bluey bubble. Not lonely, but solitary. Whatever, bottom line is, I love it. :)

M City, Day 2

Day 2 in M City. Actually things are looking much better. :D The work was okay. We had a great crew, so I could sit back most of the time. :D

After work, we all went back to the hotel, then my friend and I went out together to eat durians. Oh my gosh... Those stinking fruits are the gift from heaven!! That's how good it was. We both waited for our boss until he's done entertaining the clients. But we were getting bored so we called the other guys and asked their whereabouts. Turned out they all were hanging out at an angkringan near to our hotel. So we decided to join them, and boy, that was the perfect decision. In years we worked together, that night was the first time we fully enjoyed a night, full of camaraderie, laughing til we drop, sharing crazy stories, taking 2 street musicians hostages, hahahaaa... What a crazy night. No booze, only music and stories and laughs. The street musicians were nutties, they sang many popular Indonesian songs, and made fun with the lyrics. Gosh, it was hysterical!!

Wish to have moments like that soon and often. ;)

Free at Last

Thank you, dear Almighty for tonight. At last, I could get away from them for about half the night and enjoyed the city freely. Thank you for small mercies. :)

M City, Day 1

Another out of town project. This time, we're at M City. This is my mom's hometown, and even though I haven't been here for God knows how long, I know this is the best place for rich food. I made plans to visit many food sellers. The best ones here are street hawkers. But again, the boss and the team are such 'banci' that they decided to eat at the usual fast food joints.

For Pete's sake, we have crossed the ocean, and you guys still choose fried rice and dim sum??? Even the dim sum in Kemang Food Fest is somewhat better then these. You fuckin' morons!!!

Starting tomorrow, when my works are done, I'd leave you be and I'd enjoy my free time to the best extent. Just watch me, suckers!!

Bengal's signing off for today. Over and out.

BlackBerry Shortcake, Eh Shortcuts

The followings are the simple shortcuts in using your BlackBerry gadgets. What's not so simple is memorizing them all. But anyway, these sure help... :D

Shortcuts from Home Screen :
A » Address Book
B » Browser
C » Direct call from Address Book
D » Memo Pad
F » Profile
G » Google Talk
H » Help Menu
L » Calendar
M » Messages
N » BBM
O » Option
P » Phone
Q » ICQ
R » Alarm
S » Search Menu
T » Task
U » Calculator
V » Saved Messages
X » WLM
Y » Yahoo

MessengerShortcut ini digunakan pada saat baca email atau message … @MESSAGE LIST :
P : Previous date
N : Next date
S : Start search
T : Go top of message list
B : Bottom top of message list
C : Compose
V : View save messages
alt + I : Display only incoming messages
alt + O : Display only outgoing messages
alt + V : Display voicemail
alt + P : Display phone call
alt + M : Display only mms
alt + S : Display only sms

@MESSAGE LIST-HIGHLIGHTJ :
Go to oldest thread
K : Go to newest thread
R : Reply message
F : Forward message
U : Go to unread message (ini nih yang perlu diinget)
L : Reply all the message
alt + U : Mark read/unread : File the message

@VIEW MESSAGE : Reply to the message
T : Top of message
B : Bottom of message
P : Previous page of message
N : Next page of the message
J : Go to oldest message
K : Go to newest
S : Search
U : Go to unread
L : Reply all

SHORTCUT WAKTU MELIHAT MEDIA PICTURE (CURVE, BOLD, JAVE, HURON, DLL):
* Tekan N untuk next picture (pict)
* Tekan P untuk previous pict
* Tekan L untuk merotasi pict hingga 360 derajat
* Tekan 3/R untuk perbesar pict (zoom in)
* Tekan 9/C untuk perkecil pict (zoom out)
* Tekan 7 untuk memperlihatkan pict dalam ukuran aslinya (original size)
* Tekan 1/w untuk mengepaskan ukuran pict dengan ukuran layar (fit to screen) enjoy … :)

Lumayan juga kan? ;)

Craving Ken

This is lust. Totally. Reading into his gestures and body language, and his eyes, I know I can get him. Me and him, we're one of a kind. Bad boy and bad girl. The question remains: will I make a move on him?

Been thinking about him more and more lately. I miss his light touches, the seemingly unintentional brushes of his hand against me, the naughty smiles, the way he steal glances at me, everything bad sides of him. Dammit, Ken! Why are you married?? *frustrated*

Back in Bali, when I was swimming with Boty and CrewCut at the hotel that night, I knew he was watching. Playing with his BB, but he took pictures of us. He sent me one, and initiated our BB chat. And for the remaining time in Bali, we chatted every night. Nothing heavy, deep, or even kinky. Just playful chats mostly about my coworkers and food, :p

Do I have a crush on him? Hell yes! Do I lust after him? Totally. And being a female, this question is always lurking whenever there's a guy involved: do I love him? God, no! And I can't let it go that way. I have had enough with married guys. Jeez, such a slut, huh? But as ground rules, I always tell them to prioritize their families. That what I intend to have is fun, and nothing serious. This ain't a justification. Hell, I know this can't be justified. I'm not proud of what I do. But I no longer care that much. Life is short. And I just want to be happy. At this moment, commitment is bullshit for me, and I can't even picture me being tied to a man. Eeww...

So, Ken. I'll try my damnedest to hold myself from you. But if you made the first move, I might not be able to refuse. And I won't be held responsible for it. Tau sama tau aj deh ya. Lo badung, dan gue bengal.

Aduh, tolong... Kenapa lo nafsuin banget gitu sih, Ken? Semogaaaa lo bisa nahan diri ya, Ken. Emang dasar kampret lo!!

Crushing on Him

I miss Ken. Funny, eh? I don't know whether I like him that much or just because I'm bored at the moment. There's still CrewCut, but honestly, conversing with Ken has way more appeal. Hehee... It has been proven repeatedly.

Flirting with him doesn't make me feel bad. Instead, it makes me feel smart if I can shut him up. See, we always try to put the other one down. Semacam cela2anlah... Tapi gak sampe kasar seperti biasanya gue sama anak2. Kesian dia kalo kaget pas tau betapa ancurnya gue. Belum saatnya dia tau itu. Huahahahahaha...

Hari ini selama meeting gue mikirin dia mulu. Emang sih kita lagi bahas tentang persiapan event yang mana salah satu vendornya adalah dia, jadi pasti ada ngebahas tentang dialah. Wheeww... Tak kunjung lepas si Ken dari otak kurang ajar gue. Dan selama meeting itu gue sempet chatting via BBM sama dia. Emang dasar kampret. Makin kepengen deh gue liat muka dia. Syiiit...

Bengal's New Flirt

I think I'm in lust!! Damn!! Why does it have to be another OPP?

Well, it's like this. Remember when I told you I went out of town with the boss past midnight to see our vendor? Errr, well, HE is our vendor. The one who took us to his home. The one who gave us shelter. The one who I've had a crush on at first sight. The one who had looked calm and kinda timid at first. Ha! Timid, my arse!!

On a trip last week, fate had it that we spent some time together. Well, not entirely alone, mind you, but it gave the opportunity to speak kinda privately. Slut that I was, I used it to satisfied myself. I swear I couldn't get enough of the sight of him. I walked away to give a distant, then I kept staring at him when he seemed unaware. A few times I thought I caught him stealing glances at me. Or was it the beach? Hmmm... Anyways, it felt great, you know. This feeling, the almost rusted part of my naughty side put to use, teehee...

Let's just call him Kenny. No, call him Ken. Well-proportioned, bigger than the average of Indonesians, and yummy-looking. :p A Sundanese, a bit on the scruffy side, always have a smile on his face, and I'm positive that he's a bad boy. And you all know I always have a soft spot for bad boys. Dang! Hormon Bengal mulai bekerja lagi.

Well, let's see if it's gonna be something, or stay at nothing. What a dilemma...

Rihanna - Rude Boy

Been listening to this song over and over lately for no particular reasons other than this is a cool song. :p

RUDE BOY - Rihanna

[Chorus]
Come here, rude boy, boy; can you get it up?
Come here rude boy, boy; is your big enough?
Take it, take it baby, baby
Take it, take it; love me, love me
[x2]

Tonight I'ma let you be the captain
Tonight I'ma let you do your thing, yeah
Tonight I'ma let you be a rider
Giddy-up, giddy-up, giddy-up babe
Tonight I'ma let it be fire
Tonight I'ma let you take me higher
Tonight, baby, we could get it on, yeah, we could get it on, yeah

Do you like it?
Boy, I want, want, want whatchu want, want, want
Give it to me, baby like boom, boom, boom
What I want, want, want is what you want, want, want
Nah nah-ah

[Chorus]
Come here, rude boy, boy, can you get it up?
Come here, rude boy, boy, is you big enough?
Take it, take it, baby, baby, take it, take it, love me, love me
[x2]

Tonight I'ma give it to ya harder
Tonight I'ma turn ya body out
Relax; let me do it how I wanna
If you got it I need it and I'ma put it down
Buckle up; I'ma give it to ya stronger
Heads up; we could go a little longer
Tonight I'ma get a little crazy, get a little crazy, baby

Do you like it?
Boy, I want, want, want whatchu want, want, want
Give it to me, baby like boom, boom, boom
What I want, want, want is what you want, want, want
Nah nah-ah

[Chorus]
Come here, rude boy, boy can you get it up?
Come here rude boy, boy is your big enough?
Take it, take it, baby, baby, take it, take it, love me, love me
[x2]

I like the way you touch me there
I like the way you pull my hair
Babe, if I don't feel it I ain't faking, no, no
I like when you tell me 'kiss you here'
I like when you tell me 'move it there'
So get it up; time to get it up: you say you a rude boy: show me what you got now
Come here right now

Take it, take it, baby, baby, take it, take it, love me, love me

[Chorus]
Come here, rude boy, boy, can you get it up?
Come here, rude boy, boy, is you big enough?
Take it, take it, baby, baby, take it, take it, love me, love me
[x2]