Car Madness' Numero Uno

Thank you, Providence... I did it!! I fuckin' did it!!

I AM NUMBER ONE AMONG MY FRIENDS IN CAR MADNESS!!!!!

Yipeeee... :D :D :D :D

And now I need to increase the difference of points between mine and Doyok's. Sorry, man. And wish me luck, peeps...
:D :D :D :D

02282009, 03:10 pm

Sambil meeting neh. Heheheee... Ato lebih pasnya disebut brainstorming kali yee... Trus ntar dibuat presentasinya sama AdidasMan untuk dipresent oleh Frigie ke kliennya. Sambil mau lunch, udah dibeliin bebek cabe ijo. Yummy...

Kemaren sore pergi ke Mega Bazaar di JCC. Aslii, bikin ngiler banget deh. Kampret!! Notebook VAIO-nya bikin gue mo nangis. Keren2 abis!! Trus ke PS sama Boss Lady. Nemenin beliau cari birthday present buat Boss Man. Sambil makan juga dan ngobrolin proyek2 yang mau dikerjain. Keluar dari sana jam 10, anjriiiit... Hujan guedeeee!! Di depan PS tuh udah berjubel orang nungguin taxi. Daripada bunuh2an, mendingan gue ikut Boss Lady sambil nyari taxi di jalan. Strategi yang cukup berhasil. Biarpun gue musti ujan2an dulu bentar di daerah Pakubuwono. Setelah dapet taxi, gue jemput anak2 di That TV, secara mereka gak bisa keluar juga. Pokoknya sumpah deh, itu ujan bener2 niat turunnya.

Sampe di That TV, Kucil, Menik, dan Yuyu masuk ke taxi trus kita langsung jalan, tapi belum punya tujuan. Sepanjang jalan kita sibuk hubungin Kunti and her hubby, also Mama. But none of them could be contacted. We tried SMS, phonecalls, even YM, none were answered. And then we decided to go karaokeing in Melawai area. While waiting for a vacant room, we smoked and talked about Cimit and Kunti's slack. Kunti did it again!! *sigh*. But that's another story. Anyways, we got a room, then started having a blast!! Aww... All the crazy songs. Hahahaaa... Basically, we had a great time last night. When we're almost done, Naboy came, and she recorded us singing Spice Girls' song titled Stop. I just hope she didn't upload it on Facebook. Aiiiib, cuuuy... Here are some of the songs we sang:

• Ular Berbisa - Hello Band
  
• Wonder Woman - Mulan Jameela
  
• Hate That I Love You - Rihanna feat. Ne-Yo
  
• Terbang - The Fly
• Mengejar Matahari - Ari Lasso
• Sahabat - Nidji
• Sometimes - Britney Spears
• Pemain Cinta - ADA Band
• Kita Pernah Muda - BCL
• Larger Than Life - Backstreet Boys
• What Goes Around - Justin Timberlake
• Biarlah - Nidji
• One Last Cry - Brian MacKnight
• All Good Things - Nelly Furtado
• You Give Me Something - James Morrison
• Lucky - Jason Mraz feat. Colby Caillat
• I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
• Bayangkanlah - Padi
• Semua Tak Sama - Padi
• Etc.
  

Too bad, I didn't post yesterday. Another day missed. Damn... But there are still some extra posting to cover the other days of this month. Hahahaaa... OK, I have to finish for now. I'm actually in a meeting. We're still waiting for AdidasMan to come back from picking up his wife. Cu at another post. Mwaaa...

My Perth Days

I once went to Perth, West Australia. My best friend was studying in one of the uni there, Murdoch. I stayed at her place for almost 2 weeks. She was studying for exam, and I let myself scarce. I tried not to disturb her. So I went everywhere by myself. It's very easy to find my way around town, even in the suburbs. I explored the town in 2 days, then it's done. It's a small town, quite and cozy. Like anyone who has been there, I'd say Fremantle as my favorite place. Almost every afternoon I went there by bus, bought a second-hand book at Elizabeth, then just hang out at one of the many cafes there. I could live with only coffee and cakes. The cakes!! They're all beautiful, scrumptious, simply delicious. And tasted authentic. Hahahaaa... Oh, and the cut was also decent. :D

picture taken from www.yummycajun.com

I remember I made that trip when I was about 19 or 20 y.o. My first long haul trip alone. I felt so adventurous. Lebay banget deh pokoknya. Hahahaaa... I went to a few wineries and a chocolate factory. Almost any kind of product had a name connected to Swan River. It made me wonder why there were no Ciliwung brands here in Indonesia? Xixixixixi... Bayangin aja kalo ada Cokelat Ciliwung, ato Ciliwung Soda, ato Ciliwung Taxi, ato Teh Ciliwung, ato Wafer Ciliwung, ato CiliwungMie, ato apalah... Waktu mau ke winery, karena tempatnya katanya asik buat piknik, paginya gue siapin bekal, *ciyeeehh*. Buns, a can of tuna mayo, smoked beef and salami, potato salad, tomatoes and lettuces, boiled eggs, crackers and cheese, and apples. At the winery, we enjoyed the picnic so much, udah disediain meja dan kursi kayu seperti di film2 gitu dibawah pohon yang seluruh daunnya warna ungu. Namanya Purple Jacaranda dan pokoknya keren banget deh. Mana kayak lagi autumn gitu, banyak daun berguguran jadi kayak karpet ungu aja. Sumpah keren abis!! Ditemani sebotol chilled white wine, a specialty of the winery, ditambah dessert yang kita beli disana, tiramisu. Alamaak... Gak pengen pulang deh. Sayang waktu itu belum kenal sama Daniel Craig. Hiks...

Purple Jacaranda, taken from www. outdoors.webshots.com

Dari sana kita ke pabrik cokelat, cabangnya Margaret River. Merdeka deh ngembat chocolate chips, mau yang dark, milk, ato white chocolate. Cobain pralinesnya satu-satu. Yang isi ceri, yang tabur kelapa, yang isi liquer, yang ini, yang itu. Huaaaaa... Pengen lagiiiii... Ngeliat proses pembuatan pralines disana, asik juga loh. Cuman ya gak sefantastis Willy Wonka punya pabrik coklat ya. Pulangnya skalian beli oleh2, berbatang2 coklat, kalo ditimbang ada kali 3 kg. Hehee...

Margaret River Chocolate Factory, taken from: www.southwestlife.co.au

O iya, sempet juga mampir ke dairy farm dan untuk pertama kali dan hingga saat ini ya cuma sekali-sekalinya itu, cheese tasting. Puluhan jenis, bebas mau coba euy. Dari yang tasty, sampe yang bikin eneg. Kalo gak salah gue juga beli beberapa jenis keju disana untuk nyokap n bokap. Alesan siy, sebenarnya buat gue, :p

picture taken from www. escarpment.com.au

Yang jelas, disana gue bebas merdeka makan buah yang kalo disini susah dicari dan mahalnya minta ampun. Black cherries, nectarines, kiwis, trus sgala macem kacang, dari hazelnut mpe pistachios, dari walnut mpe pecans. Bener2 surga buat seorang Bidadari Gembul eh Bengal.

Tapi 2 hal utama yang bikin gue seneng banget: sepatu dan buku. Kaki gue kan ukuranny gede ya, bo. Kalo disini susah banget deh nyari sepatu ato sendal yang bagus dan enak. Kalo disana mah kaki gue tuh ukuran normal. Daaaaan, pas gue kesana, di Betts & Boots apa ya namanya??, lagi promo buy 1 get 2nd pair for half price. Haiyaaaaa... Gue beli sepatu kayak orang kalap. Ada kali pulang2 bawa 10 pasang!! Sama second hand booksnya, cuuy... Harganya mulai dari 25 sen. Hiks... Pokoknya pas balik ke Jakarta, gue dan temen gue musti nyiapin 1 kardus besar buat barang2 itu trus dikirim pake ekspedisi. Nebeng sama barang2 lainnya. Jadi gak terlalu mahal. Huahahahahaaaa... Sama aja bo'ong yee. Blo'on. Ya namanya juga emosi belanja.

Yo wis lah. Gue pulang dulu ya. Nite, peeps...

Bidadari Bengal is a Yellow Lion

Frigie gave me this link: http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com/. And this is what came out about me:

You are Yellow Lion, who looks cheerful, straightforward and precise, but at the bottom of your heart, you are very cautious towards other people and do not take your guard off so easily.
You are always thoroughly on your guard.
You hardly express your emotions, but can act in line with the others.
Although this make you look sociable, you are not truly coming out of your shell.
You tend to be rather a lonely person, and work hard without taking notice of the surrounding situations.
You dislike being interfered, and do not depend on or show your weakness to others.
You tend to endure your struggle all on your own.
You are very responsible person, and puts great effort in improving traditional things.
You don't go rushing into things on your own, but try to work by keeping well balanced with others.
You have perseverance, and carry things out with determination to finish it.
You live your life actively and are reliable person.
Your ways of thinking is sound and reliable.
This sometimes gives you an impression of being too serious and strong-minded.
You don't possess emotional dependence and obsession.
You have a very straight forward atmosphere, and can tackle things calmly.
You don't brood over as well.
You can look after and take good care of those younger than you and those who are weaker than you.
They depend on you greatly.
You will keep your career even after the marriage.
It will be important for you and your partner to respect each other.

What do you think? Do you think it matches me?

The Dark Angel

I've just realized that I have a fairly protected life. Too protected maybe, that it got me to be the way I am. It was meant to be a good thing, but then it backfired. Being too sheltered made me too curious, about those things that were not supposed to be done. It gave me a different personality, the one that wants to be free. Free of all reign. Free of any limitations and norms. Free of society's expectations. My dark personality is blooming now. I turned to the worse. But I have no remorse. Yet.

I used to be so innocent. Despite all those books I read, I remained untouched. But as time goes, I couldn't resist anymore. The white angel turned to the dark side. And now, I am the Dark Angel. But most people still see me as an angel. The good one. They just don't know yet that their angel is actually the spawn of Evil...

Bengal Sayang Papa & Mama (imut gak siiiy??)

Gak bosen2nya dengerin lagu2 Jason Mraz, James Morrison, sama Robin Thicke. Langsung get in the mood deh kalo udah mainin lagu2 mereka. Thanks, guys, for your great musics...

Dulu, waktu bokap & nyokap gue masih ada, kayaknya dunia tuh adem n nyaman banget ya. Gejolak pasti ada, mau internally maupun externally. Tapi yang jelas gue berasa ada arah, ada pilar buat pegangan, ada kasur yang empuk, halahh... Gue inget banget, kalo bangun tidur, sebelum mandi ato malah pipis, biarpun udah telat mau kuliah ato kerja, pasti gue langsung nyelonong ke sofa depan tv tempat singgasana nyokap trus tiduran lagi disitu. Kepala gue ditaro di pangkuan nyokap. Rasanya nyamaaaan banget. Biarpun makin lama nyokap makin kurus, tapi kok ya rasanya pangkuan nyokap tuh tempat terempuk di dunia deh. Trus gue merem lagi sambil dengerin bonyok ngobrol, ato dengerin mereka berantem soal tokoh2 di telenovela. Ampun deh emang kedua ortu gue tuh, *geleng2 kepala*. Kadang2 bokap ato nyokap nyari sekutu dengan cara nyuruh gue memihak ke mereka.

"Bengal, si Betty itu kan bodoh banget mau2nya sama si Jose Armando yang tolol itu!" kata bokap.

"Enak aja papa ini. Jose Armando kan kaya, cakep. Dulu pacar mama waktu muda tuh kayak dia gitu tau. Banyak n kaya2 smua."

"Hhhmmm..." gue gak peduli. Nyawa belum ngumpul semua kalee pa, ma...

"Alaaah, tapi dapetnya sama papa juga kan?? Papa nih biar kere tapi mama kamu kesengsem, Bengal. Trik papa ngusir pacar2 mama dulu yahud banget deh..."

"Tau tuh. Masa ya, dulu pacar mama yang pejabat itu tiap abis ngapelin mama musti nganterin papa kamu pulang naik mobilnya. Pura2 bego aja lagi papa kamu. Gimana dia gak kabur?" nyokap ngomel.

Bokap cengengesan. "Untung mama kawin sama papa. Coba kalo kawin sama dia, kuntet gitu, item lagi. Mana dapet kita anak yang cantik kayak si bengal ini. Iya kaan???"

Nyokap menghela nafas nyerah, trus nyium kepala gue. " Iya sih. Tapi tetep aja Jose Armando ntar jadinya sama si Betty. Liat aja ntar kalo gak percaya!"

*gubraaaaks...*

Abis itu biasanya gue digulingin dari pangkuan nyokap trus kusruk2 ke bokap bentar, trus mandi. Kalo udah stengah jam gk keluar kamar mandi pasti pintu kamar mandi ditabok, yak benar, ditabok, oleh nyokap. Xixixixixi... Sarapan mah gak usah dibilang deh. Nyokap adalah juru masak paling top sedunia, diakui oleh semua yang udah nyobain masakannya. Dan nasi goreng buatan bokap gak ada yang bisa ngalahin enaknya, even oleh nyokap. Jadi ya maklum aja kalo si kampret, eh, bidadari bengal ini bentuknya agak bohay gitu deh. *agaaaaaaak?????*

Waktu bokap masih sehat, beliau yang nganterin gue ke sekolah/kampus/kantor. Gue gak boleh berangkat sendiri, secara ini merupakan salah satu cara bokap keluar rumah skalian jadi sesi curhat2an kita berdua. Yaaaah, maklum aja, bokap tuh sebenernya bisa digolongin dalam kelompok Suami-Suami Takut Istri. Yaaah, gak gitu banget juga, cuman nyokap kan gak sabaran, sementara bokap tuh suka lempeng banget orangnya. Kalo nyokap udah marah2, bokap siy diem aja. Gue pernah nanya, "Emangnya papa gak bete kalo dimarahin terus sama mama gitu?"

"Yaaah, mama kamu kan darah tinggi, Sayang. Papa takut mama masuk rumah sakit aja. Anggap aja masuk kuping kiri keluar kuping kanan. Lagian kan papa cinta mati sama mama kamu. Pokoknya apa aja deh buat mama, papa rela."

Aduuuuh, bokap gue tuh gak ada duanya deh. Hiks... Kangeeen... Salah satu cita2 gue dulu ya, pengen dapet suami yang kayak bokap. Tapi kayaknya itu merupakan ekspektasi yang ketinggian. Seperti yang gue bilang, orang yang kayak bokap cuma ada satu di dunia. Yang mendekati aja gak ada. Heuhh...

Trus suka sms-an sama bokap. Cuma nanya udah makan aja, ato lagi ngapain. Ato bokap ngadu ke gue kalo abis dimarahin nyokap. Sementara nyokap adalah wanita yang gaptek. Percaya gak, setiap nelpon pake hape, beliau pasti mencetin nomornya satu2, gak pake phonebook. Hafal pula!! Gila gak!! Kalo telpon pasti mancing gue untuk pulang. "Kamu selesai jam berapa? Mama masak balado daging nih." Waduh, biar ada cowok keren juga pasti gue tinggal tuh kalo nyokap udah ngomong gitu. Dasar Bidadari Gembul! :p

Kadang kalo ada temen2 nyokap dirumah, gue suka nge-date ma bokap. Kita pergi nonton berdua aja. Entah itu di Blok M Plaza, ato PIM, ato PS. Nontonnya pasti film action. Trus pasti bokap ketiduran di tengah film. Trus mendadak bangun sambil bunyi 'GRROOOK UHUUK!!'. Suka mendadak ketawa, padahal lagi gak ada yang lucu di plot filmnya. Ato ngomel2 pas orang2 lagi pada ketawa. "Apanya yang lucu sih? Selera orang sekarang aneh. Bagusan film2 jaman dulu!" Aiiiih, matiiii... Wuahahahahaaa...

Kalo pergi belanja buat persiapan lebaran sama nyokap, pasti gue dipaksa batalin puasa trus kita makan siang berdua. Yang gue inget tuh paling sering di Pizza Hut n Bakmi GM. Nyokap adalah orang yang lapar mata. Semua dipesen. Tapi kalo makan kayak burung, cuman secimit2. Jadilah gue yang gak tega liat makanan kebuang berjuang ngabisin semua pesenan itu, dengan rela tentunya. :D

Pernah juga, kalo gak salah gue baru setahun kerja di That TV, kita pergi makan nasi uduk. Gue, bokap, nyokap, n kakak gue. Gara2 gue dan kakak gue rebutan tempe goreng. Dia mukul tangan gue. Gue bales. Dia mukul lagi. Gue bales lagi. Dia mukul lagi. Gue bales lagi. Tapi makin lama makin keras. Trus kita disambit pake pete sama nyokap sambil dibentak dengan ekspresi muka mau nge-bal2 gitu, "KALIAN!!!! STOP!!!". Dikira kita anak kecil kali ya? Huh. Sementara bokap mah tenang2 aja makan. Mungkin juga gak sadar kalo nyaris terjadi pertumpahan darah di depan beliau.

Ma, Pa, Bengal kangen banget deh. Tiap malem mau bobo Bengal selalu kirim doa buat Papa sama Mama. Mungkin masih kurang, tapi pokoknya Bengal gak pernah lupa kok. Bengal sayang banget Papa sama Mama. Bengal tau kalian udah bahagia ketemu lagi di alam sana. Bengal bisa bayangin Papa lagi nonton tayangan surganovela dan Mama lagi masak makan siang buat Papa sambil ngerokok, trus kalian makan bareng sambil debat lagi tentang si Fiorella sama cowoknya entah-siapa-itu. Udah itu kalian geleng2 kepala ngeliat sambil duduk2 di awan gimana kelakuan anak2nya di dunia, Papa sambil baca majalah TempoSurga, dan Mama masih tetep sambil ngerokok. Hhhhhh...

Nothing

Another blank moment. No inspirations whatsoever. In fact, there's nothing in my mind.

Nothing...

Nothing...

Nothing...

When you feel like you can’t breathe.

When you feel suffocated.

When you feel nothing.

Nothing...

Just nothing...

02222009, 12:20 pm

A boring weekend. Staying at home the whole time. Chatted with Camper last night. I think he has split personalities. Sumpah!! Beda banget kalo ketemu lagi di kerjaan sama kalo chatting malem2.

Kunti asked me something about Alv. It was like a stab. How did she know? Damn!!

Valkyrie

Semalem nonton Valkyrie di XXI Senayan City. Sebenernya rada males siy nontonnya, secara gue rada anti-Tom Cruise. Tapi demi menjaga kelancaran persahabatan, halah, jadilah gue nurut aja waktu Kunti bilang suaminya pengen nonton film itu.

Based on true story, I've read about it back when I was a child. See, my dad had a set of encyclopedia. And that was my source of enjoyment, *what the fuck??*, if I ran out of money to buy new comics and novels. And I was an action novels' buff back then. I read Alistair MacLean, Jack Higgins, Frederick Forsythe, John LeCarre, etc. So, watching Valkyrie was like watching an alinea in Nazi history in pictures. It's all familiar to me. But when Kunti kept voicing her questions, or to be more exact, her expectation, on what should naturally happens in the movie, I was kinda flabbergasted. Come on, doesn't she know that Hitler died by committing suicide? The bottom line is, there's no way there's a happy ending as expected for the heroes in this movie. I remember reading about Stauffenberg in that encyclopedia. I remember reading about Himmler, Goebbels, the SS, the U-boats, Blitzkrieg, all the names that was connected to that period of history. I just can't recall it all in my mind. Hehee... I'm not meaning to sound arrogant, but for Pete's sake, EVERYONE knows about Hitler. Right? Riiight???

The plot was fast. Overall it's a good movie. But I just can't fully enjoyed it due to my antagonism toward Mr Cruise. But I know I respect Stauffenberg, even when I read about him when I was a kid. He's like a romantic hero to me. Weird, I know.

Beberapa Detik yang Ternikmat

Kenapa hari ini blank banget ya? Bener2 gak ada ide buat nulis. Heuhh, bentar deh, gue mikir dulu...

Oh gue tau!! Kemaren Batman kan ngantor. Gue coba iseng minta tebengan buat pulang. Tapi secara gue gak ada urusan untuk nongol di kantor dia, kita sibuk cari celah biar kemunculan gue disana gak menimbulkan keheranan dan pertanyaan dari para bos dan rekan yang lain. Halahh bahasanya. Iseng gue mulai cari celah, gue tulis di wall dia di Facebook. Dia bales di wall gue. Yaaah, pokoknya dapet gak dapet namanya juga usaha. Wakakakakak... Secara ujan deres dari sore. Whatever, akhirnya gue putusin gue kayaknya gak senekat itu untuk muncul disana. Gue putusin untuk pulang sendiri. Dia ketawain gue di YM, tapi bodo amat. So far dia yang lebih chicken daripada gue. Diajak makan rame2 deket kantor aja dia suka banyak alesan. Kampreet...

Gue beres2, trus turun. Gubrakk... Masih ujan juga ternyata, biarpun udah gak sederas sebelumnya. Tapi tetep aja basah kalo gue langsung cabut pulang. Akhirnya gue nongkrong di depan kantor, ngerokok sendirian sambil duduk diatas motor salah satu penghuni kantor. Udah abis 3 batang, gak berhenti juga tuh ujan. Di kantor udah gak ada orang, males juga gue nunggu disitu, laptop udah kepalang gue matiin. Akhirnya dengan pake jaket capuchon dan syal gue keluar kantor, tapi kok kaki gue melangkah sendiri ke tempatnya Batman ya? Emang dasar bidadari nekat gak tau diri!! Tapi cuek aja deh, iseng juga. Hahahaa...

Gak sampe 1,5 menit gue udah sampe di depan kantor tersebut, gue masuk sambil ngucapin salam secara Islami. Langsung liat Batman lagi ngobrol sama bosnya yang merupakan suami dari bos gue. Batman sampe loncat kaget ngeliat gue. Wakakakakakakak... Mungkin karena tau2 muncul sesosok besar bertudung dari kegelapan. Halahh... Sementara Mas Yo surprise liat gue yang tumben2an nongol disitu tanpa kerjaan. Gue ngeles aja, 'nunggu ujan brenti, mas. Disana udah gak ada orang. Nyari temen deh disini. Sukur2 dapet tebengan.' Dengan jujurnya gue ngomong gitu. Dia mah seneng2 aja liat gue. Udah kayak abang gue sendiri siy. Cuman Batman aja yang gue tau deg2an. Huahahahahahaaa... Dengan sopannya gue langsung naro tas and duduk di depan salah satu komputer, di sebelah Boti, pekerja disitu juga. Gue langsung buka Facebook, dan dia dengan sentimennya berkomentar tentang Car Madness gue. Secara dia udah ketinggalan jauh dari gue, padahal dia yang invite gue buat aplikasi Car Madness itu. Huehehehe... Maap ya, Bot. :p

Stengah jam, ujan udah berhenti. Udah gak ada alesan buat lama2 disana, gue langsung pamit. Gue tau gak mungkinlah pulang bareng Batman, kalo nunggu dia and bosnya kelar, bisa2 jam 2 gue baru pulang. Gue pamit dong sama Mas Yo and Bos D. Sempet ngobrol bentar tentang kemungkinan proyek baru. Udah itu Mas Yo ikut gue keluar ruangan, and dia nyuruh Batman nganter gue ke depan kompleks. KESEMPATAN!!! Ahahahahahahahhh!!! Sambil pasang muka jaim, gue bilang, 'Gak usah, Mas. Kasian Batman.'

"Gak papa kok, Bengal. Batman, gue titip adek gue ya, tolong anterin ke depan. Pake mobil, jangan motor.' Oh my bro, u're so sweeeet...

'Iya, oom.' Batman jelas manut aja. Tau dong kenapa?? Xixixixixixi...

Naiklah kita ke mobil. Tapi ya tau diri juga deh. Jarak deket banget jadi gak mungkin banget bisa lama2. And daerah rawan juga niy, kalo papasan sama anak2 yang lain, mati deh. Gue ketawa ngeledek dia yang kecewa sama sikon super minim ini. Gue juga jelas pengennya lebih lama lah. Tapi apa boleh buat. Akhirnya sampe depan kompleks, muter di depan pos satpam. Parkir sebentar di sisi yang gak keliatan dari pos itu, trus dia langsung nyium gue. AKHIRNYA DAPET JUGA!!! Gue kirain gue udah balik jadi perawan lagi saking lamanya gak nganu, ehem... Cuma beberapa detik, tapi itu adalah beberapa detik ternikmat yang gue alami di tahun ini. Hihihihihi... Adrenalinnya cuy. Disamping pos satpam, trus kalo tau2 ada anak kantor lewat gimana coba? Tapi tetep nekat loh. Malah ciumannya di rerun. Bibirnya angeeeet, sementara udara lagi dingiiiin banget. Enaaaak... Wakakakakakak...

*Sigh*...
I want more...
Hiks...

02192009, 06:51 pm

I don't know what to do. I'm not equipped to do this. Another breakup in the family. I should have been used to it, but still it's hard. I should have been used to be left alone by the people I love. Now all I have left is my older brother, her wife, and my Little Bangbag. I know we've been living in our own little bubbles. But we still know what the others are doing. The only deviation was since he never came home. That idiot!!

I wanna have a good cry. On my bed. In the dark. Damn it!!! I AM crying!! Fuck!!! And still a long way from home...

Stupid Stupid Stupid

Worst thing that could happen had happened. No visible positive solution for now. As the bro said, 'if he doesn't want to be help, might as well drown him'. Cruel, I know. But it's been too long, and it needs to be finished now. But I still hate it though.

I hate it!! How come he changes so much? I still can't believe it! Damn it, cuy!! I love you like a real brother. We love you. And now you did this? Is it even the real you? Were you brainwashed or something? Or you just love the hedonistic life with that other family? I have no idea of what could make you change like that. I still don't understand how you became this way. I still find it hard to believe, if it's all true. I still wish it's just a bad dream, that you're still innocent. But you didn't even try to explain. You're family. We could have worked it out, if only you were more open. We had no idea of where you were, whether you're alive or not, whether you're in trouble, or being kidnapped, we had no idea!! We were scared stiff!! Jerk!!

If only you called us, only to let us know where and how you were. It would have been fine. I guess it's just too late now. I almost lost a friend, and now I'm losing a brother?

A Slutty Angel

Had lunch at Sushi Tei again today. My cousin in law treated me as a birthday gift. You're definitely one of my favorite person now, dear cuz. Heheee... With my angelic face, she had to pay for my devilish appetite. Hopefully, she didn't regret her decision to treat me then. And I am hoping for a repeat performance. :D
We had Stamina Roll, Kanimayo, Chukko Idako, California Roll, Salmon Sashimi, Salmon Nigiri, Tempura, Ebi Mentaiyaki, etc etc etc, plus Taiyaki and Chocolate Wafer for dessert. Gleeerrrgh... Whoops.

When I got back to the office, there's an email from my closest relative that was cc'ed to me. I won't tell what it's about, but it really disappointed me. I was still hoping for a reconciliation between both parties, but I guess it's final. My uplifted mood dropped just like that. I hate fights, disagreements, things like that. I know life is not always flowery, but at least please please please make a compromise. COMPROMISE, it's the key in EVERY kind of relationship. I'm not blaming anyone, but this is just plain stupid. FUCK!!!!

And now, I feel empty again. I feel reckless again. I wanna do things, forbidden things, way worse than what I do now. Damn it!!! Restraints, restraints. That's what differentiates you from animals. But it feels so goooood to be free from restraints. It's gonna feel so good to be free, period. I need something to shift my focus away. I'm not thinking about running away from a problem. *Taking a deep breath*.


Oh, I know!! Batman is the answer!! Ahahahahahahahahhh... Uhuk uhuk... Gonna call him tonight, I guess. And get crazy and slutty again. I am an angel as well as a slut, and damn proud of it!!!
;)

02162009, 07:13 pm

On Saturday, Frigie and I left the exhibition early. Before noon, even. She had to go home, and I was free. So I decided to go to Kucil's house as Menik was also there. When I got there, apparently Kucil was going to go to Plangi to meet her boyfriend, and Menik asked me to accompany her to check her new 'kost-an'. I rested for a while as well as working on my Car Madness. Heheheee... This Car Madness thingy might kill me in the end, eh? *Sigh*

On the way to Kucil's house, I got an SMS from Kunti, she asked for us to meet on the evening. She cc'ed it to all of the gals in our gank. So I was kinda hesitant about going, I thought maybe she was pushed to invite us by Mama. Then Kucil, Menik, and I discussed about it. No decision was reached until we parted, Kucil to Plangi, Menik and I to Menik's kost. Anyways, after we checked the place, we made a shopping list of what were needed immediately, then we went to Carrefour. Menik treated me a hotdog there. Lemme tell you, it was DELICIOUS!!! They fried the sausages with both margarine and oil. And they sauteed finely chopped onion and mushrooms. I had a blast finishing that hotdog. Thanks, Menik. Xixixixixi...

So, we shopped, I let Menik browsed for a moment, then we went back to the kost. I took a bath, squatting, in the freakin dark!! One of my worst bath this year. Wekekekekekekek... Anyways, at least I got a chance to wash my hair and feel like a human again. We decided to meet with Kunti and the other girls. We met at an upmarket Italian restaurant in Kuningan area, exactly on Valentine's Day. Co cwiiiit... :p
There were a few scenarios in our minds of how that meeting would go. But none even remotely matched what really happened. As soon as we're standing face to face, without words Kunti hugged me. Just like that. A few tears from us and side glances from the other patrons, then we laughed at each other again. What a weird situation. Sooo, I'd say we're good again, eh? Can't say for sure until we meet again. Especially since she and her husband didn't go to karaoke with the rest of us after dinner. So there's still a little doubt in my mind. Hhhhhhh...

And yeah, we had a great time karaokeing. Kucil, Menik, Mama, her new BF, and me. Karaoke till you drop. We finished at about 3.30 am, then went home. Mama and Papa (hahahahahh) took us to our respective homes. Thanks, ya... :)

On Sunday, the day after, or should I say the morning after, I crashed. Headache and nausea. I took an aspirin then slept the whole day. In the evening I met with Alv. He was so persistent. And guess what?? He gave me a red rose!! This is the first time he did it in our 5 centuries of relationship. I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't. He was being his sweet self. We just hung out at KFC until late, then he took me home. It was almost like old times. *Sigh*. In the end, I kissed him back. Like I always did before. And he seemed ecstatic. It made me feel guilty knowing that I am breaking his heart. But he knew it already, right? *Sigh again*.

And today, today is my birthday. Alv called me exactly at midnite. I was already asleep, would you believe it? I'm 30 years old today. Wooowww... Never thought I would be 30 this soon. Damn!!! I'm too young to be thirty. Waaaay too young!!! Oh well, can't defy Cronos, eh? Hiks...

Shit, I had a meeting. So sudden. Fuuudge!! Cya, peeps.

Happy Birthday!!

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday, happy birthdaaaay
Happy birthday toooo meeeee...
Hiip hiip hurray!!!

02152009, 12:34 pm

At last, I'm home...

Last night, we all met again for the first time after the blowout. By 'we', I mean me, Kucil, Menik, Kunti, and Mama. And it was well. Kunti and I hugged each other, and I guess we're all kinda back to the way we were. I can't say for sure because we met only for dinner. I don't know what to say now. I'm just glad we got this riff over with.

And now, I'm going to play with my Little Bangbag, then have lunch. Then I'm going to sleep. I need rest. And I got this massive headache. Hiks...

Oh well, thought I just wanna post a quick update. Cheers...

02142009, 12:10 pm

Udah cabut dari acara di JCC. Now I'm in Kucil's house. We're going to check Menik's new place, then we'll decide what to do next.

OK, this is the posting for today. Hahahahahaaa... Udah sah juga ya. Uhuuuy...

Oh, and by the way:

HAPPY FUCKLENTINE'S DAY!!!

02132009, 10:00 pm

Okaaaay,now I can blog in peace. Just a few words for a start:

"MY FEET HURT LIKE HELL!!!"

Shiiit... Wearing high heels and barely sitting down this whole day. Uh, ya, so I sat now and then, but not enough. At least, I think it's because I'd been standing and walking around for too long before I had a chance to sit down that the pain didn't even lessen for a bit then. And now, it's such a friggin' pain!! Fuck!!

Our booth was visited by the President. He's not only pictured in front of the booth, but he also walked around it. Great for our portfolio, and we're gonna upload some of those photos to the website. Right, enough about today. I can't make it seem more interesting with the way I write. But I can try to start telling about last night. *grins*

Yesterday, after finishing the setting up of the booth, me and my boss went back to the office. I needed to get my bag because I stay at her place for these two nights. She went to her husband's office. See, we're all under one umbrella, but there are 2 office locations, both nearby. One for the advertising business, and one for the event management. So, after I took my bag, I went to the EO office to wait for her. Aaaaand... Taddaaa... There's Batman!! Halahh!! Lebay ya, boo. Xixixixixi... Our bosses sent out for our dinner. Meanwhile, I logged on to Facebook to congratulate my lil bro for his birthday, also to play Car Madness. See, I'm on a race with Batman's friend, and I can't afford to lag on this game. There's only one more guy I need to beat, and he constantly plays. So I must keep up with him. These days, everytime I have access to the net, the first thing I do is to play Car Madness. Second, to blog. Third, keeping updated by accessing Detik.com. And lastly, chatting and checking my emails. Those are prioritized in that order. Hehee...

Right, I was going to tell you about meeting Batman last night. I didn't know he was still there, honest! I was in a mixed feeling when seeing him there. What am I supposed to do? Jump him right there and then? With all our bosses present? Gubraak!! So, all we could do was only chatting innocently. Or whispering sinfully. Halahh... I couldn't explain it well. Ask me about it when you see me, okay?? Hehee. Oh, and had dinner together. Not in the way you mean, moron!!

I'd better sleep now. Tomorrow is another day. Haven't chatted with Menik and Kucil for 2 days. Miss you all.

Pokoknya Posting

Nebeng di press room. Berarti sah ya, g udah posting hari ini. Xixixixixixi...
Pokoknya kan hari ini kan ada, hehe. Kemaren bolong siy, tapi kan sebelumnya ada yang g posting mpe 3x sehari. Dikompensasi sama yang itu aja yeeee. Wekekekekekekek...
Yuk ah. Dadadadadadadadadaaah...

02112009, 09:01 pm

Yayyy!! Just got back from JCC. The booth is almost finished. Apparently, the contractor only needed a day to set it up. Tomorrow we'll just gonna need to put the posters and other finishings. But that's for Frigie to do. I'll be helping her taking care of the press conference. Gonna be 3 hectic days. I'll try to blog when I can. Hahaa... Yeah, right!! Try to take me away from the Internet and all hell will break loose... :p

Oh, and by the way, we were treated at Sushi Tei today. Yummy!! We ordered Salmon Sashimi, Stamina Roll, Jumbo Dragon Roll, Baby Octopus, Kani Mayo, California Roll, a Sushi set (huge one), Chukko something or other, and that oyster dish which was topped by mayo then grilled. And for dessert we had Chocolate Wafer, Coffee Monaka, and Taiyaki. Sadly, I don't think they serve Waori anymore. Fudge!!

That's it, just a quick recap. Trying to keep up with my intention to blog every single day this month. We'll see how long I will last, eh? Nite, peeps... Smooch...

3rd Posting for Today. Sweeeet...

Wow, third posting for today!!! Third! 3rd!! Ketiga!! Hari ini posting 3 kali!! 3x!! Wuiiiiiihh!! Heheee... Gue yakin belum banyak orang yang ngepost di blognya mpe 3x sehari. Gileeee...

Anyways, purely iseng doang siy. Hari ini gue cabut dari kantor jam 5.30 pm. Gue ke Carrefour dulu beli ini itu, trus makan di A&W. Laper banget boo. Gak tau kenapa hari ini bawaannya pengen makan yang mantap dalam porsi besar. Tapi yang ada cuma A&W. Ya sutralah. I take what I can lah. Jam 8.00 pm gue udah di rumah. Hebat gak? Xixixixixixi...

Kemaren chatting sama Batman. N janjian untuk telponan malemnya. Jam 11.00 pm dia SMS bilang 'kalo mau tidur gpp d, bu. Gw masih sejam lagi kayaknya, baru sampe rumah tapi diajak nongkrong dulu sama anak2'. Sementara gue lagi compile berita dari media online hasil dari press conference paginya. Gue bales SMS Batman, 'santai, pak. G jg masih kerja dikit lg neh.' Eh dia balesnya gini, 'wah, lo mang paling cihuy d, bu...' wahahahahahaa... Kelar kerja n ngenet, gue masuk kamar. Dengerin radio sambil nunggu Batman kelar nongkrong. Tau2 dia SMS lagi, 'gw mabok, tp kalo mau tlp gw ud di tmpt tdr'. How sweet is that?? *sarcasm mode on* :D So I called him. As usual, the call only consisted of 2 letters. Get my drift? ;)

To make long story short, I climaxed first, and again, and again, and so on, and I got asleep before he finished. But the phone was still on. I guess he did the same as I did. When I woke up in the morning, my hand was still holding the phone to my ear. Out of curiosity, I checked the call duration. Ladies and gentlemen, it was 1,5 hours. Wuahahahahahahaa... Longest sex call I'd ever had. Even if I was asleep for most of the call. Xixixixixixixi...

Tidur ah, ngantuk banget. Nite, peeps...

Initial B

Rules:
It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note/blog, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag 10 people. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real... Nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You CAN'T use any word twice and you CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.


1. What is your name: Bidadari Bengal
2. A four letters word: Bomb
3. A boy's name: Brad
4. A girl's name: Bryn
5. An occupation: Boiler room operator (?)
6. A color: Blue
7. Something you wear: Bikini panty
8. A food: Baked potato with chilli and cheese
9. Something found in the bathroom: Bra (mine)
10. A place: Bathroom
11. A reason for being late: Bomb exploded in my bath tub.
12. Something you shout: Bitch!!
13. A movie title: Bring It On!
14. Something you drink: Beer, of course...
15. A musical group: B2K
16. An animal: Bison
17. A street name: Bandung Street
18. A type of car: BMW Z5
19. A song title: Bella Luna - Jason Mraz
20. A verb: Bring (it on, baby!!)

I don't tag anyone. Just for fun. :)

FUCK Monday!!!

$%#@!!*^$$#^(^&#$@!!!! Grrrrrhhhh!!!

Hari ini ada press conference kedatangan The Doctor di salah satu hotel di kawasan Senayan. I'm supposed to be there at 6.30. I left home at 5.30, waaaay earlier than usual. But damn!! Baru duduk di angkot 5 menit, eh udah kena macet. Masuk deh lewat jalan tikus. Belok belok belok, jalan sempit pit pit... Becek cek cek... Pas kembali ke jalur utama, tambah parah macetnyaaaaa... semua jalur ketutup motor n angkot. Gak ada yang bisa gerak. Setengah jam kemudian, supir angkotnya ngomong, 'Saya nyerah deh. Mau balik aja lagi. Sampe sini aja ya!' Trus dia minggir, parkir. Kita smua turun. Halahh... Gue mau gak mau musti cari angkot pengganti dunks, secara sepanjang jalan gak ada ojek nganggur. Namun oh namun... Udah gak tersisa jalur buat jalan kaki, booooo... Musti melipir kemana2 cari celah. Mana berlumpur gitu. N sodara2, gue lagi pake sepatu hak tinggi. Manis banget kan???

10 menit kemudian berhasil dapet angkot, gue kebagian duduk di pintu dengan posisi cuman 1/8 pantat gue yang bisa terakomodasi oleh si bangku. Yah, tetap dengan kemacetan yang amit2 itu. Mau diapain lagi? Gak ada jalur maupun kendaraan alternatif gitu. I had to sweat it out, like the super patient chick I am. *Cue: hueeeeek*. Denger di radio, ternyata ada truk pasir kebalik di salah satu titik di jalur angkot ini. Jangan tanya deh, tuh jalan udah kayak parkiran Trisakti kali yeee, penuh gak bergerak. Mohon di-note aja ya, kecepatan sepanjang perjalanan tuh sekitar 1 meter/menit. Hiyaaaaah!!! Semut aja lebih cepet jalannya. Trus begitu nemu belokan jalan tikus, sang supir belok dong. Lagi2 belok belok belok, jalan sempit pit pit, n becek cek cek, n bener2 gak ada ojek. Udah mau sampe ujung, ada maha tanjakan tuh. Udah berhasil naik setengah jalan, eh mundur lagi. Huahahahaha... Najis banget!!! Akhirnya seisi angkot turun smua, jalan kaki sampe atas. Baru deh lanjutin perjalanan. Booo, gue pagi ini 2 kali turun dari angkot n jalan kaki ditengah becek pake sepatu stiletto heels. Lazzis kaliiii...

Akhirnya sampe juga di Pasar Jumat. Perjalanan yang memakan waktu 2,5 jam. Mustinya udah mau sampe Bandung tuh. Hikss... Terus deh naik ojek. Heran gue, gak abis2 ya tuh kemacetan? N temans, begitu sampe daerah Permata Hijau, mulailah hujan. Biarpun kecil, tetap aja artinya air jatuh dari langit. Sempurna sudah penderitaan gue. *&%^!!#&&*%%$@#^*^%*($%#@!#$#^...
So dari jadwal awal yang gue mustinya siap di lokasi jam 6.30, ternyata gue sampe tepat jam 9.00. So sorry, boss. I tried to leave early, but look what happened. *Sigh*.

Sampe situ juga gak kerja2 banget siy. Udah banyak super women lain yang bertugas, gue cuman kebagian sisa doang. N gak bisa deketin The Doctor juga, secara pengamanannya yang huebat itu. Jam 11.00 gue n Frigie udah jalan balik ke kantor. Hebat banget ya perjuangan orang Jakarta buat kerja?...

Back to work, now. Skipped lunch today. FUCK MONDAY!!!!

02082009, 10.39 pm

Radang tenggorokan, euy... Tadi pagi ke dokter. Dikasih resep, obatnya ada 4 macam. Trus disuruh kurangin bicara. Hmm, jadi gak boleh karaoke juga yak?? Hehee... Sejak semalem, radang tenggorokan gue tambah parah. Gue bener2 kesakitan kalo nelen, even nelen ludah doang. Beberapa kali kebangun pas tidur. Pokoknya sengsara abis deh. Kayaknya gara2 kemaren main angin sesiangan di Ancol sama Little Bangbag. Pas udah pagi, gue bilang kakak gue kalo gue pengen ke dokter. Kalo gue sampe udah minta ke dokter berarti sakitnya udah gak nahan. And he knows that. That's why he didn't even question me, just told me to get dressed, then we went. Gue tuh orang yang paling males kalo musti ke dokter. Biasanya musti dipaksa dulu, ama dimarahin, kalo perlu digeret baru deh gue sampe dokter. Bukan karena takut, tapi males aja. Rasanya sayang duitnya gitu. Padahal beli obat2 OTC juga sembuh kan. Ato minum vitamin aja gitu. Tapi kali ini, gue nyerah, cuy. Soalnya radang tenggorokan ini mengganggu kenikmatan gue saat makan. Wekekekekekek... Gak jauh2 dari faktor itu ya ternyata?? :p

Si bu dokter ngasih gue surat buat ijin gak masuk besok, tapi gue gak janji ya bu... Hehee. Gue bakal tetep masuk, cuma gue usahain tidur di kantor deh. Sayang aja kalo gaji gue dipotong 100 ribu rupiah per hari kalo gak masuk. Hikss... Anyways, gotta catch some zzz's now. The medicines are working, and I must go very early tomorrow morning. I have to be in a hotel in Senayan area by 6.30 am. Moga-mogaaa gue bisa bangun ya besok. Amiiin...

Ancol, Little Bangbag, Sore Throat

Holaaa...
It's Saturday, and I went to Ancol with Little Bangbag and her parents. We departed *halahh* at about 10 am and arrived there at 1.30 pm. Fuuuuudge!!! Talk about suffering...
It was very windy and a bit cold. No heat at all. We feed Little Bangbag first, took about an hour just for that. Hahaa... Then we ate siomay at the side where those ducky boats were. I played with Bangbag on the sand. God, she was so hyper!! She even tried to eat the sand, TWICE!! Aaaaarrgh!!! But she managed to walk by herself for a few steps. How cute!! She found a little dried palm leaf and scratched those sand, making images only she knew what. How smart is she?? My Little Bangbag is a genius!! Luv you, baby.

Next, on to Sea World. She was mesmerized by those tiny to huge fishes there. And I was mesmerized by a hunk taking pictures there. Man!! He was tall and well built. Wearing kupluk, he looked so cool. Aww... Okay, enough! Basically, we just did the things people come to Sea World do. Nothing special except for that loveable hunk. And of course my oh so lovely niece.

And now, as a result of being hit by the wind this whole day, my sore throat gets so much worse. I can hardly swallow anything. But that doesn't deter me from eating, though. Gyahahahahaa... I swear, it feels so shitty and it HURTS!! Fuck!! I just wish it gets better tomorrow and I just want a peaceful night now. Tataaa...

Check-In, Readers Discretions Advised

I'm back...
It's done...
We did it!!
Wuahahahahahaaahh...

I gotta say, it's all so sudden. Last night he called me and said that WE ARE going to do it on Sunday. I'd be his from morning to night on Sunday. Riiight, Sunday it would be, then.
Today went as usual. Batman was on a project, so he wasn't online and I didn't text him either as I knew he was on the street doing those things he did. Anyways, at about 5.30 pm he called and said, 'Let's do it now. Let's go...'

'Huh?? What are you talking about?'

'What the hell? Didn't you read my SMS just now? I've been waiting for your response, Pret!!'

'Gaaahh?? What SMS? You know these days I always turn off my GSM number. What is it?'

'Let's do it today. We can go to that little hotel next to that little mall. What do you say?'

Shit!! Now?!?! Hmm, what the heck! Why not?? 'Alright. Let me get my things, okay? I'll be ready in 15 minutes...'

'Oh, yeah baby!!' he exclaimed. Or something like that. :D

So I got ready and then met him on our appointed spot a bit away from the office. Wouldn't want to be busted by someone we know, eh? Hehee... On the way there, we stopped by Circle K and bought 3 beers and tissue. When we got to the hotel, we asked for one with A/C. I must warn you, this is a really cheap place. So don't expect TV and other standard facilities. Only bed, cupboard, and drawers. I wouldn't even go the the bathroom. But we just need a place to do our deeds, nothing else. So this is it.

Washed our faces so we felt fresher and better. We had a beer. He lighted a cigarette. I laid down and we just talked for a while. After he finished his cigarette, he kissed me. Softly, slowly. I played my hand on his hair. A few minutes later he put his hand on my breast, while I broke our kiss and turn to lick and bite his ear. Our breaths were getting faster. He slipped his hand inside my T-shirt and unclasped my bra so he got free access to my breasts. I kept my lips on his ear and neck. Then he pulled off his shirt, so I did too. He went wild then. He pulled down our pants, and went to give me a blowjob (is that the correct term?). Apparently that's something he's been wanting to do since we became friends with benefit. He wouldn't let me go and got me so hyped up I couldn't stay still. It went on and on. Then I pushed him back, wanting to return his service. I just love making him high with my mouth and hands. When it got unbearable, he moved and pushed inside me. Oh gosh!!! Just a few strokes, then he's spent. We'd been prepared for it as this was his first sex in 2 years. Or so he said. But you know what? I didn't even feel disappointed. I was kinda ecstatic that I could make him climax in only a few minutes. Because when we did it on the phone, it could go for more than half an hour for him to climax. Hehee...

I let him rest. We just cuddled and kissed until we're ready for our next round. I won't elaborate on this now. Use your own imaginations, peeps... I'll just say those next rounds were ayayayayayayayayy... :p

Then something happen to dampen our moods. His boss called, he went berserk because Batman was missing. I wanted to laugh out loud, but on the other hand I was worried for him too. We decided to finish early. I let him went straight back to office while I took ojek to go home. I took a refreshing shower, then I started blogging right away. Hehee...

And now, here I am. Alv kept texting me asking where I was and who was/were with me. I lied to him, I said that Menik is staying the night with me. I also told him, 'I went to a hotel with Batman.'

His reaction?? 'Don't say stuff like that, dear. It's not nice, even for a joke...'

Oh well, at least I told the truth, right? In a way. Ahahahahahahaaa... Despite his reaction, I could say that I didn't lie to him, right?? Except for the part about Menik visit. *grins*

I'm so tired and sleepy. If I can wake up tomorrow, I'll be going to Ancol with my brother and his little family. It's gonna be cute. Imagine Little Bangbag playing on the beach. Awww...

So good night, y'all. This has been an interesting evening. Hahaa... Nite...

02062009, 05:47 pm

I'm about to go somewhere with Batman.
*Cue: giggles*

I'll post about it later, ok... Maybe.
Hehehehehh...
*wink*

Case Closed

I just got back from a meeting in one of the foreign embassies in town. Then I turn on my computer, and apparently Kunti had answered my letter. It is negative. I did not put much hope when I sent it. And now there is no hope at all. She is too disappointed and angry at us all. And she even threw Kucil and Menik away too when the problem was me, me, and me only. Is it wrong if I get disappointed in her too? As Kucil said, Kunti sees me, Kucil and Menik as one package. So none of us can put some sense into her. Dammit!!

"Bukankah teman terakhir yang mengerti kita adalah sahabat ketika semua teman kita pergi dan tidak mengerti posisi kita?"

That's what Menik said in our YM chat just now. So true, isn't it? I tried to explain everything in the letter. I tried to apologize to her. I even tried to be the loser. But either she's too stubborn or simply too stupid to accept my apology. I know, I can't push her. I can't force her to do what I want. And like I said, everyone has their own personality and style. So, I respect her decision. Even if it means that I'm losing a best friend. Maybe we're in different wavelength, so whatever I say won't matter to her. Hereby, I rest my case.

Maybe I'm giving up.
Maybe I'm a coward.
Or maybe I'm just setting her free.
Whatever you think of me, this case is already closed.

Goodbye, friend.
Have a good life.
And thanks for everything...

02042009, 08:15 pm

So I wrote that letter. I was kinda hoping that it would exorcise all my negative feelings toward her, and yet I felt nothing. No difference at all. Is it because it's been too long and all the hoohaahs have died down? Not exactly gone, but probably just mellowed and lost their edges. Or maybe it's simply because I'm not fit to live in a community/society? I had someone telling me that I'm too flat. I'm too vacuum.

I'm too flat...
I'm too vacuum...
But I know I do have some love to give.
I know deep inside that I actually care.
I just don't let it out.
I can't let it out.
I'm too afraid...
Afraid of getting hurt...
And in time, it came to be the way I am.
Restricting my emotion.
I become so good at it.
It has been my comfort zone.
It is my defense mechanism.

Even if in the process it turns out that I hurt someone. Unintentionally. But still, they get hurt. But I don't want to change. If that means I'm selfish, so be it. I just try better not to hurt someone. I'd rather hurt myself than do that.

This is me...
This is me contemplating...
This is me being mellow...
This is me...
Deep inside, this is me...

A Letter To Kunti

Dear Kunti,
Pertama2, gue mau minta maaf sama lo, atas semuanya. Sori udah terlalu lama gue gak hubungin lo. Gue juga tau lo udah gak mau n males denger dari gue. Selama ini gue ragu2 untuk hubungin lo, jujur gue gak enak banget. Gue salah, fine, tapi dari sms2 lo yang langsung marah n gak mau listen to reason justru bikin gue nyerah duluan. Aneh ya? Hahaa... Padahal mustinya gue lebih ngerti gimana smuanya dr sudut pandang lo waktu itu. Beberapa saat ini gue sempet marah sama lo karena merasa lo gak mau dengerin g n kucil. Gue males untuk mulai hubungin lo. Untuk itu gue minta maaf. Mustinya gue bisa lebih berusaha lagi karena kita sahabatan kan? At least, I'd like to think so.

Dari sisi gue, gue merasa lo salah paham banget sama sikon waktu itu. Gak tau d gimana menurut lo, kun. g coba ceritain smua yg g inget, moga2 siy lo mau baca ya...

Saat itu g lagi capek, bukan secara fisik, tapi secara mental. g bete sama alv yg gk mau pisah sama g, g ud bilang ke dia kun, kalo g mau pisah. tp to make a long story short, i made a decision utk dampingin dia selama beberapa saat lg, sampe dia stabil. g tau lo pikir g tolol banget, cuman mutusin cwo aja kok susah banget. tp banyak hal yg gk bisa g critain ke siapa2, yg memaksa g utk ambil keputusan itu. n i'm fine with it. gk usah kuatir kun.

ditambah g lg diuber kerjaan. n g bener2 jenuh dgn suasana kantor. malam pas kita karaoke, mustinya g nginep di rumah bos g krn paginya mau survey di bandara. g jenuh bngt sama suasana kantor. n nginep di rumah bos g pun sebenernya g gk bakal tidur juga, krn g musti kerja n kelarin report. g lg dlm kondisi males pulang ke rumah. g cuma kepengen ke tempat yg nyaman n bukan lingkungan g. tempat netral. yg g bebas mau ngapa2in. g minta maaaaf bngt g nolak tawaran untuk nginep dirumah lo waktu itu. seperti yg g bilang, g mau kerja, n buat g gk enak bngt ganggu di rumah lo, sampe mister hrs pindah kamar. gk lucu kan kun kayak gitu, apapun alasannya... moga2 lo ngerti. apalagi itu jg rumah mertua lo kan...

lo bilang g n kucil duduk misah terus dr lo di karaoke, dipanggil gk mau gabung. gk gitu juga kun. g perasaan mondar mandir mulu disitu, kayak yg punya tempat. lagian tu tempat kan ud penuh, ntar jomplang dong kalo smua duduk bareng di sebelah sana. apalagi di deretan g ada temen cwonya cimit, ntar dikira nyuekin n gk suka dia ada disitu.

pas ud kelar, lo maksa untuk nganterin gue n kucil ke kemang. g tauuuu bngt maksud lo n mister baik banget. n bukan g n kucil main rahasia2an sama lo. kita nungguin temen kucil jemput kita disitu. n kasian kalian musti nganterin kita ke arah kemang yg arahnya berlawanan sama jalur pulang lo. kita coba untuk praktis aja. n sumpah ini bukan basa basi ya. n gaya g n kucil yg iseng waktu itu, mungkin emang basi, but couldn't u take a joke, for god's sake?

lo bilang, kalo gk salah, 'g gk convenient ya sbg teman..'
ini bener2 salah paham lg, kun. lo salah tangkep. jauh banget dr apa yg g maksud. maksud g bilang kucil convenient adalah dr sisi sikon. lo ud married kun, masa g bawa nginep ke hotel gitu, padahal cuma nemenin g kerja. kucil g bilang convenient krn rumah dia deket situ, utk ke kantor jg gmpang, simply because of that. g ngajaknya jg mendadak kok, bener2 pas sore itu g ngajak dia. kl gk bisa ya paling g nginep sendiri. g gk mau pulang ke rumah g, rumah lo, maupun rumah bos g. pls jgn tersinggung. g pngn cr hotel yg tenang n murah. g jenuh n capek kun. mungkin g gk nerangin ini dgn baik, tp moga2 lo ngerti.

g gk ngajak lo nginep di rumah g... hmm, mungkin kita cuma sekedar sms, lg2 alasan g lo ud married kun. lo ud punya rumah, udah punya tempat, yaitu disamping mister. oiya, yg masalah citos waktu itu. g tau g yg ngajak kalian duluan utk ketemuan. g nungguin kabar lo n mama mpe malem, jujur kita ud males pindah2 tempat, kun. kita bawa barang bnyk banget. g bawa laptop dll. musti beres2in, trus naik taksi ke PIM. which is gk terlalu jauh siy emang dr citos. tp tetep aja males kun. alasannya gk baik ya? sori d. lagipula dr gereja lo waktu itu ke citos practically cuma lurus trus 2x belok juga ud sampe kan. g jg gk ngerti siy sebenernya sama yg lo bilang mister alergi citos, mama alergi PIM, n lo alergi plangi. knp musti alergi2an tempat siy? yg penting kan kita bisa ngumpul...

lo bilang lo sampe begging2 supaya g ceritain masalah2 g. kunti, mustinya g gk usah jelasin ini. tp lo tau sendirilah manusia tuh ada banyak tipe/sifat. g gk maksa lo utk cerita smua ke g, tp g seneng kalo lo bisa ceritain masalah2 lo ke g. g jg bukan tipe org yg suka curhat ttg masalah2 g ke siapa pun. g lbh suka mencerna semua sendiri, coba pecahin masalah itu sendiri. kadang g cerita, ke lo jg pernah kan. tp seringnya g butuh waktu utk mencerna semua. kalo g blm siap utk cerita tolong lo jgn marah. bukan g gk mau cerita ke lo. but it's just the way i am. dari g kecil g selalu menyimpan semua sendiri. n g udah nyaman seperti ini. thanks bngt kalo lo bisa ngertiin sisi g yg ini.

sampe sini g udah usahain ceritain semua. thanks kalo lo mau terima. thanks kalo lo masih mau balik lagi kayak kita dulu. tapi kalo gk pun, g akan ngerti. g gk akan ganggu lo lagi. mungkin g ud terlalu nyakitin hati lo. lagi2 g cuma bisa minta maaf. g gk ada maksud gitu sama sekali. tapi kun, g mau minta tolong satu hal. ini semua gara2 g. please jgn bawa2 kucil n menik ya. mereka sedih bngt lo juga marah sama mereka, terutama kucil. dia jd kebawa juga pdhal dia cuma nemenin g malam itu. tolong at least lo, kucil n menik memperbaiki hubungan lg. balik sahabatan lg kyk dulu. jgn jd cuma sekedar rekan kantor aja. please, kunti. thanks.

g adalah org yg datar n cuek. jd mungkin penyampaian g dlm surat ini gk bisa menggerakkan hati lo. tapi percaya aja g nulis ini dr isi hati g yg paling dalam (halahh, gk g bngt ya bahasanya??). in case lo bener2 ud gk mau lg kita balik kayak dulu, g cuma mau bilang terima kasih untuk semuanya. terima kasih udah jadi sahabat g. n maaf g belum bisa memenuhi ekspektasi lo untuk sebuh hubungan persahabatan. mungkin gue kurang timbal balik. g terlalu egois. intinya g minta maaf, n terima kasih buat semuanya. n jgn lupa, kucil n menik ada diluar masalah kita. ok? please all of you, be great friends again even when i'm not with you. but i'm still hoping we'd be great like before. tolong pertimbangkan isi surat g ya kun. kalo lo ud siap, apapun jawaban lo, pls kasih tau g. bisa lewat email, ato sms, ato telp, ato ketemuan. whatever's convenient for you.

once again, i apologize, and i thank you. for everything.

luv,
bidadari bengal

Facebook

Facebook? Almost all the people in my circle now have Facebook accounts. I've been using it for almost a year now. Managing relationships with friends and acquaintances, keeping updated on their lives, finding old friends as well as making new friends, playing games and having fun with those thousands of applications, even flirting, and of course as a personal website. I must say the creator of Facebook and the guys who develop it to be the way it is now are geniuses. Facebook? Megang banget dah!!!

Currently on my FB:

• 383 friends
• Favorite applications: Car Madness, Speed Racing, Parking Wars, Pet Pupz, Li'l Green Patch
• 12 photo albums
• 171 photo tags
• Had a school reunion as a result of my photo on Facebook
• Intense wall-to-wall with some nutcases, eg: Batman and Cuno
• Pages: Daniel Craig, Clive Owen, Marat Safin, Sushi Tei, Pocoyo, Max Brenner, Daughtry, Bailey's, YouTube, Sour Sally, Sting, Jason mraz, James Morrison, Robin Thicke, etc
• Etc

Hmm, I guess I just can't describe it with words. It's THE phenomenon now. Heil, Facebook!!!

My Saturday to Monday

Last Saturday night Kucil, Menik and I went to Chubby's wedding. So, Kucil and Chubby's fling is officially over. I know Kucil is sad about it. But she knew what's gonna happen since they started their relationship. Right now, I could only keep her company while she licks her wounds. Be tough there, girl... We're with you...

We then went to New Score! at Citos. Mana mungkin siy kita langsung pulang? Malem minggu pula... Apa kata dunia??? Xixixixixi... We got a table right in front of the stage. While waiting for the band to play, we chatted about Chubby's friends which had become our friends too. Let's call them Arty, Ducky, and Liong. Mereka ternyata asik2 n baik. Yaaah, si Arty siy emang makhluk ajaib yg penuh misteri, Ducky itu orang baik2 yang mayan gaul n lucu, sementara Liong tuh kliatannya lempeng banget. Jadi mau ketawa kalo inget mereka.
Despite Kucil's misery, we still managed to have a good time. The band was a good one. We knew all the songs they played. Oh by the way, I ordered a Carlsberg. It turned out that there's an offer: buy 1 get 1 free. They gave me the usual Carlsberg, and then they gave me the NEW packaging of Carlsberg for free. It's simple and good. Just plain green with some embossing on the bottle. So I got to drank 2 for the price of 1. Cihuuuuy!!

Jam 1 kita putusin untuk kelar karena keesokan paginya temen Kucil mau buat foto prewed di rumah gue. We took a taxi to Kucil's house to get her and Menik's things, as well as the makeup kit as they were going to do the hair and makeup for Pipi's photoshoot. By Jove!! There were so many bottles and things just for makeup. Aaaaargh... At last they were ready and we went to my home. They were starving so I made 3 Indomie with 3 eggs, and we ate it together from the same big bowl. Wild, eh? Hehee... We went to sleep at 3.30. Woke up at 7, and started Pipi's makeup process. Overall, it was productive. It went all day. I gotta say this, one of the photographer was a hunk. Hahaa...

Later that day Batman called and said that he wanted to take me to this place to watch DVD. So I booked a room for the evening. But as usual, we had to cancel. He had to go with his boss, and it was raining anyway. Okay, udah biasa cancel gini, jadi gue udah bodo amat juga. Dari awal janjian juga gue gak gitu ngarep siy, biarpun pengen. Xixixixixi... I hitch a ride with Pipi to a warnet. You see, I and Batman's friends are competing on one of Facebook's application, Car Madness. I'm trying to beat them all, so far, it's going well. I just need to beat 2 more guys, but it's gonna be hard since they have 24 hours Internet access, and they're always online. So I don't think I can beat them in a long time. Sigh... Uh, I digress...

Anyways, gue kayaknya tidur jam 11an gitu. Tapi kebangun jam 1 gara-gara Batman nelpon. Katanya dia lagi makan di Blok S. Dia mau mutusin telpon waktu tau gue tadinya udah tidur, ya gue omelin, secara gue udah bangun ya mau gimana coba? Jadi terusin ngobrol, tentang hal-hal yang tak kunjung terjadi. Hihiks... Akhirnya dia bilang udah mau jalan pulang. "Mau nungguin gue sampe rumah gak? Ntar gue telpon. Tapi suara yang keluar ntar cuman boleh 2 huruf aja. Gimana?" I couldn't help laughing my ass off, "Yo wis, gue tungguin ya, pak..." About an hour later, I was already half asleep again, he called. Dan terjadilah apa yang diinginkan untuk terjadi. Halahh... Bener-bener tuh suara yang keluar cuman terdiri dari 2 huruf, plus bunyi nafas. Anjriiiit!!! Enaks, cuuy... Udahannya lemes d. Xixixixixixi... Trus bobo d. Trus bangunnya hampir kesiangan, eh, masih ujan pula. Gileee...

Tadi siang gue ke divisi sebelah, eeeeh ada Batman. Gue gak tau deh gimana bentuk ekspresi kita masing-masing pas ketemu disana tadi. Apalagi ada kejadian kayak telpon semalem. Yang jelas kocak. Wuahahahahaa... Pengen ketawa nakal tapi gak bisa, musti jaim n jangan sampe ada yang curiga. There's no such thing as 'terlalu parno'. Better be too careful than sorry, yeah? Sayangnya tadi banyak orang. Coba dia lagi sendirian kali udah gue cium langsung tuh makhluk. Waktu gue YM ma Kucil, dia bilang, "Udah bukan cuman cium lagi, cuy. Yang ada langsung dikelarin tuh disitu!" Damn right!! Huahahahaha!!

Sekarang jam 10 pm, gue masih di kantor nunggu approval dari klien buat desain soalnya mau naik printing malem ini. Huaaaaa... Eh, by the way, barusan Batman nelpon, katanya dia musti balik ke kantor, but with his boss. So I still couldn't get a ride with him. Sigh... Story of my life. And I AM still waiting for that approval. Come on, Sensei. Quickly!!!
Goody!!! Frigie called saying that Sensei has approved the final design. Now on to Final Artwork, then go to production. Let's go home, baby!!