Bye, Boyfriend...

Jujur, gue mau pacaran karena cari seneng. Ngapain pacaran kalo yang ada gue jadi ngomel ato emosi melulu? I've been disappointed by Ben for so many times, without even meeting him in person for weeks. I don't know whether it's because we have different circle, different way of thinking, or maybe I simply expect too much of him. So maybe it's my fault. Seeing that, I broke up with him a few weeks ago. But he apologized, so we made up.

So, I tried and tried to make time for us to meet, but he said he couldn't see me because he got typhoid. And when he got better, he caught fever again despite my telling him to get a full rest. Last night, we made an appointment to meet tonight. All day I couldn't contact him. At about 8.30 pm he texted me he wanted to go to a metal gig somewhere with his friends. Shoot, man! He stood me up. Then he said he wanted to take me there with him, I guess because he sensed how I was pissed that our rendezvous was cancelled. Dude, I don't need that kind of thing. Just go and fuck yourself. And please leave me alone.

For the last hour he's been texting me saying sorry and asking to see me tonight. Hello?!?! Where have you been all day, man? You promised me, last night. I don't appreciate your attitude. I have a life. Piss off, a-hole!

Need You, Beach

When you'd been stuck at home for 2 days in a row, you'd know how I'm feeling right now. Spend almost the whole time for sleeping, eating, laying around, watching TV, reading, basically just being a lazybum. And now I feel so bloated. Buekhh...

In this kind of situation, it's no wonder that I'd be imagining of going on an impromptu trip to Bali or Seychelles. I really miss the beach. Even strolling around Ancol's paved beach would be a welcomed moment these days.

Damn, I need air. I need to breathe. I need to be outside. I need to be by the ocean. :((

Getting Stale

Never wanted to be clingy. So, I keep my cool when we barely communicate. Even though I know he doesn't have his cell phone which he lost a couple of weeks ago. Still, he usually borrows his friend's phones or use someone's netbook to log on Facebook. When we don't text, we send messages in Facebook. And he goes to the warnet mostly every night. So, when he seems to be disappearing from earth face these last few days, I kind of get worried. Even pissed. Because if he wants to, he could always find a way to contact me.

What pisses me off is he's the one who said that even if couldn't see each other every weekend or so, at least we must communicate in any way we could everyday. EVERYDAY. I keep my part of the bargain. Why can't he? Stupid asswipe.

I realize that I'm the type of girl who likes touching and physical contact. That's my kind of relationship. I'd like us to meet as often as possible. I can try to work around my schedule if the guy were cooperative. Well, I don't think he is. What he does requires me to commit totally into the relationship. To trust him completely when he's not around. But I want a guy who is available physically. A guy I could touch, I could kiss, a guy who could hold me in his arms. Screw the heart and all those stupid emotions. Just give me his real presence. Otherwise, I might just find the next available guy. :p

It's getting stale. Either I need to think of him in a more casual way, or break him up altogether. Casual seems tempting, though. Let him think we are together. And I'll just put it in my mind that he's a fling. A fuck-buddy. Except, we haven't got to the fucking part, yet. Jeez. Boring, much? Dude... Meh... *rolling eyes*