Bernard Bear

I just love watching videos of this stupid unlucky bear. LOL.

Ngigo 11162010, 2:20 am

Jam segini kebangun dan malah baca timeline di Twitter. Bukannya tidur lagi aja keq. Beberapa malam terakhir yg lagi rame adalah review tentang drama musikalnya Joko Anwar, Onrop. Well, it got rave reviews. Tapi 1 temen gue yg ngetwit betapa bosannya dia pas lagi nonton. Hahahaaa. So, probably it's not for everyone. ;)

Waking up at this hour, a mug of hot chocolate would be such bliss. Plus a good read until falling sleepy again. Maybe watching boring news too. :p

Well, just that notion about news puts me back into sleep. Night, peeps. :)

Bengal Bimbang. Lagi?

After days of stalking his socmed accounts, even the ones he didn't share, I finally found the courage to start a chat with him via BB Messenger. Firstly, it's because I saw that he'd changed his profile picture again. This time, it must have been taken years before, because his face looks sharper and more pointed. For lack of a better word, he's rather plump now. Well, compared to that new profile picture, I mean. He's really not plump at all. :p

I thought I could just tease him about it when I started the chat. Turned out we didn't discuss it at all. Not even close to that. It's like touch and go. And to prolong it, I asked him about the song that he sang to me the other day. I made up a reason so he'd send me the music file. And he did! Yayyy!!!

But, there's this thing that put me down. He's language style was so alay. Honestly, I don't like that. So I tried to open my mind. I mean, I like this guy. But talking to him in person feels so different than when we do online chat. His written language is a turnoff. Man, he typed 'iaaaa' for 'yaaaa'. *sigh*

So, if it's that easy for me to 'unlike' him, that I must not have been like him that much, eh? Is that good news, or bad news? Well, good news because soon I can go back to my normal self. Bad news because I still let myself judge people unfairly. I know writing style does not reflect his intelligence. But it's kinda hard for me to rule that out. Inarticulate means stupid. So narrow-minded. I can't help it... Damn!

But am still trying. Don't let alay slang and typos cloud my judgement. After all, the real thing is when both of us together in persons, right? That's when you feel the real touch, hear every spoken words, and look at each other's eyes.

One remaining question: he's still oblivious, will I keep trying? *sigh*

Nusrat Fateh Ali & Michael Brook - Tracery

The song is called Tracery, performed by Nusrat Fateh Ali and Michael Brooks.

Listen to it, and see if it doesn't move you somehow. It's like I were suddenly swooshed by magic into another dimension. A dimension where people lived a 12th century mid eastern lifestyle. Sand and dust, dirty camels, slick merchant, colorful harem girls, romantic heroes, intrigues, smell of exotic spices, heat, dried fruits, figs and dates, tents in the middle of the desert, belly dancers, and Kama Sutra. Damn, so sexy... I don't wanna open my eyes.

Bengal Misses Her Alay

Being ill sucks. Staying in bed for more than a day puts me in a restless mood. Adding an alay into the equation results in fiasco. A fiasco in my mind. Jeez, I am head over heels. Oh please cure me. I hate being sick, and I can't stand missing someone like this.

Sometimes, I feel as if I'm in the twilight zone. The theme song plays over and over in my head. This object of my affection is so totally unlikely for me. I like tall guy, white and muscular, smart and articulate, clean cut and shaven, and he IS not even one of those things, for Pete's sake!! He's an alay, what more can you expect?

I'm a lost cause. For me to stoop this low is unforgivable. *pardon my expression, no offense to alays out there*. And to know that he's indifferent is the last straw. I think I should go see a shrink.

I miss him, I keep thinking about him. I realize that he's definitely not the first thing in my mind every time I wake up, but he's the one in mind before I sleep. I miss him. Yeah, alay or not, I miss him. :(

Missing His Voice

He sang to me. His lips right at my ear. That's the click, the moment that I fell into him. Just some stupid song. In the midst of people rushing around in the convention building, he sang at my ear. I might have been blushing, I couldn't remember. And for him, for him it might be just another song to sing, another chick to woo, and then forgets all about it.

He said it was his own song. He made it, he had recorded it, and about to release it next year. Who knows? He might be the next big thing, or just another alay wannabe. Still, he's my alay. Damn, how did I get this corny? I disgust myself. :(

Yeah well, I miss his voice, and his presence. I can't even remember how it's like. The time we spent was too short, and all I got left just flashes of feeling, images, and voices. And I'm starting to lose them too.

Weird. It's just too weird for me to feel this way.

Bengal Naksir Alay :p

It's been a while since the last time I have a serious crush on someone. I guess I have one now. Flu plus crush equals shitdom. That's what I'm feeling at the moment. Totally blue and clueless. Not liking it a bit.

Ketemu cowok pas ngerjain event kemarin. Sebenernya bisa dibilang dia itu rival secara dia juga kerja di EO. Cuma karena klien kita ini pengen event besarnya ini ditangani langsung sama 3 tim, jadilah ada 3 perusahaan yg bekerja sama ngerjainnya. EO gue khusus ngerjain acara, EO dia khusus ngerjain produksi, dan yg 1 lagi khusus konsep dan image. Berbulan-bulan menggodok segala detail dan rincian, tapi bener2 ketemu dan ngobrol sebelum event itu paling cuma 2x. Hahaa, kesan pertama cuma nih anak rambutnya alay beuut. :p But something stickes, his voice was resonant and a bit husky. Just the way I like it. Damn, the trap had been opened.

Event selama seminggu, dan selama seminggu itu kita sering musti cek & ricek bermacam detail barengan. Secara pekerjaan, dia udah pasti ok karena dia udah pernah ngerjain event ini beberapa kali sebelumnya. Justru gue yang anak baru. But he's okay, not patronizing at all. Gak kelihatan keras ato apa, malah pas lagi ada show di panggung, kita udah pasti di posisi paling belakang untuk ngawasin situasi dan kondisi. And guess what, we know the same songs, we even sang and danced together. Gak ada yang jaim deh padahal bos2 kita juga ada disana. Hahahaa...

Diluar itu, kita mulai bercanda beneran pas 2 hari menjelang event berakhir. Dan mungkin disitulah gue mulai suka sama dia. Kampret. Dari segitu banyak cowok yang seliweran kenapa gue musti naksir sama anak alay ini? *jedotin kepala ke tembok* Mending kalo dia juga suka sama gue. Hiks...

Event udah kelar, udah saling add di Facebook, kalo kontak BB mah udah dari kapan tau, dan sampai disitu aja. Gak ada ajakan ngobrol, gak ada tag foto ato apa, gak ada apapun yang nunjukin dia ada perhatian sama gue sedikitpun. *yaowoooh, desperate amat gue yak? Preeeet!!*

I know he's not married, he's 30, and he's mobile, and he's definitely not gay. Oh well, he does love beautiful, skinny, lithe women. -____-' Stupid me to feel this way, ya? Dengan seleranya yang seperti itu, jelas aja dia gak bakal ngelirik gue in that way. *banting monitor*

Tapi nikmatin aja deh. Asik juga ngerasain kayak begini lagi. Ngecek BB terus, stalking FB dan Twitternya dia, sama liatin foto2nya di BB gue. Wakakakaak, gue bener2 parah deh. Najis lo, Bengaaal!! Hadoooh hampooooonnn...