So I wrote that letter. I was kinda hoping that it would exorcise all my negative feelings toward her, and yet I felt nothing. No difference at all. Is it because it's been too long and all the hoohaahs have died down? Not exactly gone, but probably just mellowed and lost their edges. Or maybe it's simply because I'm not fit to live in a community/society? I had someone telling me that I'm too flat. I'm too vacuum.
I'm too flat...
I'm too vacuum...
But I know I do have some love to give.
I know deep inside that I actually care.
I just don't let it out.
I can't let it out.
I'm too afraid...
Afraid of getting hurt...
And in time, it came to be the way I am.
Restricting my emotion.
I become so good at it.
It has been my comfort zone.
It is my defense mechanism.
Even if in the process it turns out that I hurt someone. Unintentionally. But still, they get hurt. But I don't want to change. If that means I'm selfish, so be it. I just try better not to hurt someone. I'd rather hurt myself than do that.
This is me...
This is me contemplating...
This is me being mellow...
This is me...
Deep inside, this is me...
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